Voice: Have you got dead Tygra's hanging around your house, collecting dust?

[Cut to a scene in a house, a husband and wife on the couch.]

Husband: A friend of ours gave us a dead Tygra for Christmas --

Wife: And for almost two years it sat at that corner over there stinking up the house --

Husband: She kept nagging and nagging. 'What's the point of having a dead Tygra if it's not doing anything' she'd say --

Wife: And then we bought RD's latest book, '1001 Uses for Dead Tygras' --

Husband: It changed our lives forever.

Voice: That's right, folks, 1001 and Uses for Dead Tygras will revolutionize households across the country. No more rotting, decaying corpses to litter
your floors. You can shred your dead Tygra for fertilizer --

[Cut to a scene in a yard. A man dumps a rigid dead Tygra into a shredder. The head disappears in the machine.]

Woman: Thanks, RD, with my new Tygra fertilizer my Silky Fruit bushes have never looked better.

Voice: Got a bottle of bear but forgot the opener? No problem, just use Tygra's stiff, immovable jaw and even the tightest caps come off in a jiff.
Why, even a Berbil could operate it! Got a door that keeps opening? Shove a dead Tygra in front of it. Got a wobbly table? Just jam one of his feet
under there.

[Cut to a scene of a man sitting on a table.]

Man: For twenty years I've had to write on this shaky desk. Look at how horrible by handwriting was back then. But now, with Tygra's foot stuck in
place, my letters have never been better!

Voice: With RD's new book you will never run out of ideas for those putrid corpses! Window curtains, scarfs, blankets, slippers, full-body outfits!

RD: After so many tiger deaths I was up to my neck with Tygra corpses. I tried selling them but the market for dead Tygras isn't what it used to be
back in the '80s. So I had to improvise. I've discovered a use for every last single part of the Tygra's body, from the incredibly thick-headed skull, to
the rotted liver -- putrid from years of alcoholism. Unfortunately for some, the genitals turned out to be rather useless, but then there's not much you
can do with stuff THAT small.

Voice: Order your copy of '1001 Uses For Dead Tygras' now and you'll receive a special bonus, an inflatable, naked Mandora doll. Great for
Halloween and it even scares away armed burglars!