Ed and and Tony walked along the corridor of their space craft and - hey, who said every space alien had to be named
"Betelguese" or "Zorak"? - discussed the condition of their prisoners.

"We have four of them, right?" Ed, the captain, asked.

"That's correct, sir," his thin, bulbous-headed pasty-white lieutenant replied. He consulted a clipboard and said, "The team is
trying to run tests now."

"'Trying', lieutenant?"

"Well sir," Tony said sheepishly, "the only blood sample they've gotten yet is from the big green one. It came back as a
combination of human and canine compounds, a large quantity of Irish stout, and an unidentified element"

"Let me see that," Ed said, taking the clipboard. He examined the periodic listing of the unknown chemical.

"Nin2-Com3-Po-Op1," he said aloud. "Never heard of it. Why is only the bloodwork done?"

"We can't get near him," Tony said. "Everytime we try, he thrashes around and complains about being ticklish."

Ed sighed. "What about the fluffy white one we got with him?"

Tony shook his head. "There's something about her that makes the team nervous, sir. Tyrone tried to get a fur sample, she raised
her lip a little, and he gleeted his beebleflaxers. He's downstairs changing them now."

Ed sighed again. "Ten years in the corps, the best abduction and vivisection training money can buy, and at the first sign of
trouble from a foo-foo dog, they gleet themselves. It's a miracle our race ever attained space travel."

The two entered the bridge and walked towards the com chairs. Stars sparkled distantly beyond the ship's bow. Third Earth was
out of sight, far below them.

"Sir! Sir!" they heard from behind them. They turned to see Ensign Doe run into the room.

"What is it, ensign?" Ed asked.

"It's one of the prisoners, sir! He's.."

Behind the ensign, the door to the bridge broom closet swung open. A massive, tawny form emerged and reached the ensign in a
single step.

The newcomer grabbed the scrawny alien around the shoulder with one hand and lifted him from the deck. He pressed the alien's
head against the nearest wall and dragged it's bald pate along the metal. In an instant, the creature's head burst into flame.

Thunderwolf stuck a fat cigar in the corner of his mouth and lit it from the alien's burning scalp. Then he ground the creature's
head out against the wall and let the corpse drop to the deck.

Ed and Tony backed quickly away. "Take it easy now, just take it easy," Ed said placatingly. "We're not armed. Just tell us what
you want, and we'll give it to you."

Thunderwolf inhaled deeply from the cigar, blew several smoke rings towards the ceiling and said nothing. Ed and Tony looked at
each other, fully aware they were in deep gleet. "W-Would you like to go home?" Tony ventured to the sabretooth. "We could
take you back if you like."

"Yeah," Thunderwolf rumbled, his voice making the deck vibrate. "Your gonna take me back alright. But first there's something I
want here. Something that belongs to me."

"What is it?" Ed asked.

"Fianna's head," Thunderwolf snarled. "Now tell me where you're keeping the cani-nerd."

*****

Thunderwolf left the two aliens tied back to back in the middle of the floor and headed off to settle this head-lock nonsense with
the notorious nincompoop once and for all. He went down two flights of stairs then headed towards the science labs where Ed
and Tony had informed him the caninoid was restrained for examination.

He was halfway to the end of the corridor when, about fifteen feet ahead of him, one of the door slid open. Thunderwolf stopped
instantly, flattening himself against the wall before sliding along it towards the open hatch.

He peered around the corner, then stepped inside for a better view. An astonishing array of sights met his marveling eyes. The
room was painted in blue alien-blood, huge splotches of it coating the white walls of the vessel. Dismembered alien corpses lay
scattered about the compartment, their faces wearing expressions of sheer horror. At least, those faces still intact enough to wear
a recognisable expression of any sort.

Then Thunderwolf's attention was drawn to the examining table in the middle of the room, too the diminuitive form sitting there.
She looked at him merrily and gave a sharp little bark, wiggled her entire body playfully and seemed to smile.

"Awww," Thunderwolf said, the moved towards the fluffy white creature. He could see blue stains on her chops and front paws,
but somehow, it just didn't seem to register that there might be a relationship.

Suddenly the insane lion stopped. "No," he said to himself, the dog and the dead Grays. "Shark warned me. Poodles are bad
news."

In response, the poodle reared up on her haunches and put her paws over her eyes. Then she slid them down her snout in
peek-a-boo fashion, smiling all the while, the tip of her pink tounge protruding from her lips..

Thunderwolf stumbled another step towards the dog. "NO!" he snapped. "Poodles..dangerous. Must...resist...cuteness..."

The poodle flopped onto her side and rolled onto her back, exposing a soft expanse of pretty pink tummy. Come, it seemed to say.
Come rub my belly and find the peace you've always sought, but never found.

Then Thunderwolf was holding the little creature in front of himself, his hands beneath it's front shoulders.

"Well, I suppose you don't look that dangerous," he said, examining the dog. "Fluffy fur, little feet, hell why is everyone so scared
of you?"

Then he looked back at the dog's face.

"God damn, that's a hell of alot of teeth," he said.

The examining room door hissed shut as the room it entered into filled with savage barking and Thunderwolf's screams.

******

Fianna giggled wildly as the aliens came near him with yet another pointy metal object. The caninoid was spread-eagled face up
on a wide round table, held in place by an invisible force field.

"Dammit, hold him still!" Freddy yelled at Simon.

"Sorry sir, the restraining field is at maximum strength. It should be able to hold a full-grown elephant!"

"I'll tell ya what the problem is, guys," Fianna chuckled from the table. "Tatiana ran over-budget on the special effects on this one.
Those guest shots from Anderson and Duchavney couldn't have been cheap either."

"What are you talking about!?" Freddy yelled.

"Well, the force-field is more than enough to hold me," the caninoid grinned. "But she had the table made from particle board." He
wrenched his right arm upward, taking a large portion of the table with it. "See?"

The aliens stared for a moment, then screamed. "The prisoner is loose! The prisoner is loose!"

As Simon and Freddy ran in aimless circles of mindless panic around the room, Fianna broke his way clear of the rest of the table.
On his feet, the caninoid watched the two aliens race past him three times in one minute, then stuck out his left hand as they came
around again.

Freddy's brow slammed into Fianna's palm, stopping him short. Simon's head then collided with Freddy's with a loud crunch. Both
aliens dropped to the deck, unmoving.

Fianna reached past them, opened the door and went into the corridor. He found the bridge within a few moments; being a sci-fi
writer had it's perks. He was pleasantly suprised to find the two commanders tied in a nice bundle on the floor, although he did
wonder how the third had lost it's head, and puzzled a full minute over the char mark on the wall.

The caninoid went to the control console, sat down and began to examine it. He heard the bridge door cycle and a moment later
the co-pilot seat was filled by an adorable white poodle with a red-stained snout.

"Hey baby," Fianna said merrily. "What say we cruise on home and pay Tatiana and LT a little vis- hey, what's that?"

Fianna's attention was diverted outside the ship's window. A massive felinoid came into view, floating high above the tip of the
bow. The creature was a mess of torn flesh, blood and bite marks. The figure glared at the couple, waving a fist angrily and
moving his lips.

"Thunderwolf?" Fianna said, suprised. "How'd he get out here?" Then the caninoid pressed the button marked "PA" on the
console."

"...AND YOUR LITTLE DOG, TOO!!" the speakers boomed into the cabin. Both canines jumped, then Fianna lowered the volume,
muting the sabretooth's profuse swearing.

The poodle looked at her spouse and made a series of soft warbling bark-howls.

"You put him out the airlock because you wanted to see him pop, and he didn't?" Fianna chuckled. "How inconsiderate of him."

"I heard that!" Thunderwolf yelled.

Fianna grinned at the insane lion, then turned back to his poodle. "You see, precious, this is a Thundercats continuity. That
means space is full of air, with a normal atmospheric pressure. That's why we can hear him on the PA, too," The caninoid looked
back outside and tilted his head quizzically. "What I don't understand is, you don't float in T-Cats either. You sort of free-fall
towards the nearest planet."

Thunderwolf's drifting suddenly stopped. "I'm going to get you for this," he said conversationally, then dropped thirty feet to the
deck below. He strunk it with a jarring clang, bounced off and dropped over the bow.

"AAAAAAaaaaaaa...." the canines heard as he disappeared.

"Poor guy," Fianna snickered. "Gravity just keeps getting the best of him. Well, copilot Poodle, I've laid in a course for home.
Engage!"

Mrs Fianna leaned forward and reached with her teeth for the thruster lever, then paused, sniffing the air. Fianna looked at her,
then sniffed also.

"Is somebody cooking fish sticks?" he said. Then a muscular gray arm wrapped around the caninoid's neck.

"Ruh-roh," he choked out, then Shark yanked him from the seat.

Mrs Fianna chuffed softly as the cabin filled with barking and an aggravated icthyian hiss. Then she shook her head and pulled
the lever, putting the ship in motion.

******

Tatiana eased herself down into the warm frothy water of her bubble bath. She'd wiped away most of the flour she'd used to ruse
the two dogs into thinking she was a ghost, but even so, the water turned milky as she splashed around.

"I wonder what horrible tortures the Grays are putting those two dopes through right now," she chuckled, reclining comfortably.
She closed her eyes and began to doze softly.

"......."

Tatiana's eyes snapped open. She sat up in the tub, listening.

"aaaaaa"

"What the hell?" she muttered, aware of a whistling sound alongside the howl.

"AAAAAA!!"

The roof of the bathroom crashed inward directly above the bathtub. The water exploded upward as Tatiana was thrown out by
the sheer kinetic force of impact. Most of the water crashed back down into the tub while the undead sorceress landed hard on her
backside on the floor.

Dazed, Tatiana got to her feet, watching the tub warily. Suddenly the surface broke, and Thunderwolf's soaked head came into
view, spitting out a stream of soapy water. The bleary-eyed lion focused on Tatiana, who snatched a bath towel from the wall rack.
She slapped him hard enough to knock him back underwater and threw the towel around herself.

"Stop looking at me! I'm naked!" she yelled.

Thunderwolf resurfaced. "I'm gay, dammit!" he bellowed.

Tatiana was momentarily non-plussed. Then she slapped him again.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!" he roared.

"For not appreciating me!" she huffed, and stomped out of the room.

Thunderwolf watched her leave, then sank down into the tub, shaking his head.

"I'm gonna kill that dog," he muttered. "I'm gonna kill him long and slow. But before I kill him, I'm gonna ask him just one
question."

"Where the hell does he come UP with this shit?!"