The Courtship of RD Rivero

Part 10

The elevator door opened, and the would-be rescue party peered carefully out into the chamber beyond. When nothing
swooped into view to attack them, they emerged, weapons ready, and tried to make sense of their surroundings. 

Skat looked around and whistled softly. "I never realized he was this good."

"People underestimate RD. It's a very bad mistake," Fianna said softly.

A gloom suffused the chamber, thickening within a hundred feet in any direction into inky blackness, creating a sense
of enormous size as the wall they stepped from extended in every direction beyond the range of sight. Scattered around
the visible space were pillars of stone, ornamented with images of thundercats in bondage and torture. Each of the
pillars was three feet in diameter, and extended upwards towards the invisible ceiling, vanishing at the periphery of
shadow all around them.

"I don't see an exit," Chanur said. The Hani took a position behind a pillar, sweeping his gun along the periphery of
shadow all around them.

"Wherever it is, it'll be bloody well guarded out the ass," Zhyan said nervously. He had his sword in his right hand
and supported Axelle with his left. Together, they hobbled to a pillar beside Chanur's. Taking the cue, Fianna and Skat
took cover by the third one. 

They waited, the only sounds their own, the only movement their nervous fidgeting. "What the hell are they waiting
for?" Chanur growled in his throat.

Fianna's eyes glowed faintly gold in the half-light. "They're waiting for us to make the first move," he said.

Axelle didn't say anything. Leaning against the pillar, she was suffering from an awful headache that had hit her the
moment the elevator door opened. The pain was intense, almost hostile, as though somebody were hitting her with a frying
pan. She tilted her head left, then right, stretching her neck, but producing no relief. She allowed her head to loll
backwards--

"ABOVE!!" she screamed, and tried to jump away from the pillar, but her vaunted reflexes, dulled by blood loss and
exhaustion, finally failed her. A muscular tentacle snaked down from overhead, snatched the human into the air and
dashed her body against the piller. Axelle hit the floor with a boneless flop, unmoving.

The room erupted in gunfire as the defenders began blasting at the ambushers. Descending through the fire storm were
blob-like monsters, pulsating masses of gray tissue ten feet across, glaring down on them with red eyes the size of
dinner plates. Huge mouths, rimmed with jagged, sharp teeth, salivated in anticipation of fresh meat. Dangling beneath
each were several thick tentacles, reaching for the defenders below.

Skat dodged a lunging tentacle, then another, leaping clear of the beast. The monster roared in frustration and
unleashed a burst of blue energy from an area between it's eyes. Skat barely dodged it, and the near-miss left her
nervous system tingling, as though she'd jolted herself with electricity. With a final spring, she put enough distance
between herself and the monster to bring her rocket launcher to bear. She fired from the hip, relying on the
heat-seeking missle to do the aiming, then dodged behind the next pillar. Slow and ponderous, the brain monster had no
time to dodge before the ballistic shell detonated, blowing it into gelatinous chunks all over the area.

Skat looked back around the pillar at her team mates. Fianna and Chanur blasting their weapons in every direction as
more and more of the monsters descended from overhead. Zhyan had disappeared: she hoped he was airborne, and not eaten.
But her first blast had not gone unnoticed, and the monsters crowded in on top of Fianna and Chanur, forcing her to hold
her fire or risk blasting them as well.

"Damn, they're smarter than the others," she said.

Felino appeared on her right shoulder, cleaning his claws with the point of his knife. "Duh! They're giant brains!" he
said.

Mya-chan appeared on her left shoulder. "I think we should try to communicate. They're probably telepathic."

"Right, Miss Thang," Felino sneered, then clasped his hands, batted his eyes and said in a falsetto voice "'Say, mister
giant brain monster, would you mind not eating us? Really? Well, goody-goody goo drops, thanks EVER so much!"

"Would you two knock it off? I'm trying to concentrate!" Skat snapped.

"She started it!" Felino yelled.

"I WHAT?!" Mya-Chan hollered in Skat's ear, then grabbed said ear and began climbing the side of Skat's head, intent on
throttling her irritating room mate.

"Hey! Knock it off!" Skat yelled, shaking her head to dislodge the angry chibi.

"You can't talk to her like that!" Felino said angrily.

"But you just did!" Skat retorted.

"Hey, I'm the one offended here! Remember me?" Mya-chan complained.

While Silverkat argued with her chibis, the battle two pillars over was becoming desparate. 

"Where's Skat?!" Chanur yelled over the howling of the monsters. He had exhausted most of his ammunition, and was
reduced to his pistol, making the situation all the worse since his aim hadn't improved.

"Over there!" Fianna called back, nodding his head towards his employer. The dog was out of ammo altogether, and had
resorted to using his shotgun as a club, bruising any tentacles that came his direction.

Chanur glanced over at where the thunderan was arguing with her shoulders. "What the hell is she doing?!"

Fianna risked a look. "Arguing with Mya-Chan and Felino, I think!"

Chanur fired five shots, two of them hitting their ten-foot close-range target, then "Do I look like that?"

Fianna did not get to answer. Distracted by the conversation, he failed to dodge a psionic blast from the octabrains.
He gave no physical sign of impact, no cry or yell. He simply shut down and dropped to the floor. The triumphant monster
snaked a tentacle around the fallen author's leg and dragged him away. 

As the rest of the aliens closed in on Chanur, he screamed, "SIIIILVERKAAAT!!"

Skat heard her name and snapped back to reality. She ignored Mya's efforts at throttling Felino on top of her head, and
aimed her rocket launcher at the mass of aliens on Chanur. She counted five of the creatures, and aimed where she hoped
the blast would catch only monsters, not hani.

"Six," Felino said, shaking Mya-Chan off.

"Not now, I have to aim," Skat growled.

"No, he's right. Counting the dead ones, there should be six left," Mya-Chan interjected.

She paused. If there should be five octabrains left, then where --

Skat's nervous system lit up like a christmas tree when the psionic blast hit her from behind. Like Fianna, she had no
time to scream, or offer any evidence of the incredible pain she was in, before her brain's safety switches kicked in
and she flopped onto the floor.

"Told you there were six," Felino complained before they de-rezzed along with Skat's consciousness.

"SKAT!!" Chanur yelled again. He couldn't see her, but the only way she could have missed his yell was if she were
incapable of hearing it. Chanur dodged more tentacles, but he was surrounded and tiring. Any minute, he would make a
mistake, and it would all be over.

Just then, the octabrain at the rear lurched in the air and screamed like a tea kettle going off. The creature lurched
into another monster, jostling it as it tried to fry Chanur's brain with a psi-blast. The shot went wide, hitting
another octabrain and sending it to the floor in a deflated mass. 

The first creature closed it's eyes and dropped from the air and hovering behind it was Zhyan, bloody sword in hand.
*YES!* Chanur crowed mentally. Aloud, he yelled, "Where the hell have you been?!"

"Well, I bloody well got lost, didn't I?!" Zhyan yelled back. "It's like a fucking maze in here, and you can't--" he
paused, dodged a tentacle and slashed it off before it could recoil. "--see past a hundred feet!"

Chanur poured another clip into the injured octabrain, and amazingly, the thing went down. He saw another rushing
towards them from where Silverkat had disappeared. Plus the two attacking him and the archangel, there were three left.
"We're gonna make it!!" he yelled, and resumed blasting the nearest alien.

Zhyan flew into the air, easily outdistancing the creature pursuing him, dodging it's clumsy attacks with no effort at
all. In an amazing display of agility, he reversed his travel in mid-flight, suddenly diving down at the octabrain.
Caught by suprise, the creature had no time to react as Zhyan rocketed beneath it, his sword splitting it's lower body
like a tomato. The monster's guts fell out of their moorings, hitting the floor with a splat, the lifeless body flopping
beside them seconds later.

Zhyan climbed again, his powerful wings arresting his dive and propelling him skyward. He paused, hovering as he took
in the situation. Chanur was holding his own with his alien, and although the pistol took little bites out of the
monster's hide, it would eventually fall. He spun and noted the last beast hastening to join it's remaining brother, and
decided to ensure it never got the opportunity. Zhyan rotated in the air, preparing to dive.

He never saw what hit him. Out of the darkness flashed a huge ball of swirlging green fury that struck the archangel in
the back, engulfing him. Zhyan screamed in absolute agony as his wings were charred to nubs and his flesh seared by
seared by unimaginable heat. His body blazed with fire as he plummeted from the sky, but the flames were extinguished by
the time he struck the flagstone floor with a sickening crunch.

"ZHYAN!!" Chanur screamed, but there was nothing he could do. The room was ablaze in plasma volleys, forcing the hani
to run and dodge continuously to avoid joining the smoking body on the floor. The surviving octabrain held back,
avoiding the line of fire, content to let this new menace drive the attack.

Chanur took cover behind a pillar as plasma washed over it again and again, singing his fur. After a moment, the
attacks slackened, and he was finally able to look out from cover and see what had wrought this destruction on them.

He saw two twenty-foot tall blue-skinned humanoids, with broad chests and powerful arms.each of them easily twenty feet
tall. Their demoniac faces were set with glowing red eyes, and crowned by sets of ram's horns. Their left arms ended in
long-fingered hands, terminating in two-inch talons. Their right arms ended in a surgically grafted plasma cannon, the
size of which was better suited to a battleship than a battlefield.

Despite their size, they moved with a fluid grace as they closed in on him. Chanur began to edge away from the pillar
when he heard the two surviving octabrains screech behind him. The hani threw himself clear as a barrage of psionic
blasts tore through the space he had been occupying. 

He found himself in the open, lying on his stomach. The twin demons towered over him. The octabrains closed in behind,
cutting off all escape. He pushed himself to his knees, and in a final gesture of defiance, aimed his pistol at the
demon on the right and pulled the trigger.

The gun clicked empty. Somehow, the monsters found this incredibly amusing, and all four began to roar with laughter
while the weapon fell from Chanur's hand. 

"I'm sorry, Peachy. I did my best," he said softly, and tried to convince himself the blurriness in his vision was
exhaustion. He closed his eyes and waited for the end.

********

"I know," Peachyra said quietly, rubbing at her own eyes. "You don't have to apologize. I'm sorry I got you into this."

"My Zhyan," Spark moaned. "My angel, I can feel him slipping away from me!"

"Skat and Fianna both. Damn, I never thought we'd go down like this," Ayanna said somberly.

"I've still got hope," Tygris said.

The others stared at her.

She said, "There's nothing else I can do, right? So, I'll just hope until there's nothing left to hope for."

"There is one other thing to do," Spark rasped. "But I cannot do it. I will not betray you all. I cannot."

Peachyra looked into the pool, at the monsters mocking her defenseless champion.

"It's over," was all she could say.

********

The roar of laughter seemed distant, as though he were hearing it at the end of a long tunnel. Finally, it subsided
altogether, and Chanur prepared himself to meet his author.

"Chaaaaaanuuuuuur..."

"Huh?" the hani gurgled. He straightened and looked around, but he saw no one besides the monsters. Then he realized
with a mental lurch that the monsters themselves were frozen in place, like grotesque statues.

"Use the Force, Chanur," the voice said, then giggled. "I've always wanted to say that."

"Who's there?!" Chanur yelled. The voice was familiar, smooth and hypnotic, and he recognized that he was not hearing
it in his ears, but in his mind. "Is this some kind of end-life hallucination or something?!"

"He's not really all that bright. Are you sure he's the one you want?" the voice asked.

"HEY!"

"Everyone else is unconscious and dying. He's going to have to do," said a new voice. The tone of this one was
different, softer, but with an undercurrent of danger that made Chanur think of velveted claws. "Nakur Na Chanur, you
must survive. I have chosen you to avenge the sins delivered upon my people during their bondage to RD Rivero!"

Chanur blinked. "Uh, lady, I don't think you've really assessed the situation here. We're finished. RD finally got us
all, and there's nothing I can do about it."

"Poor little felinoid, so confuzzled," the first voice interjected, then whispered, "You're SURE you want him?"

"Nakur, the power to save yourself and all of your friends is in your hands. You have seen it at work already. Seek
God, Nakur, and he will lead you where you need to go." Then he felt the connection break in his mind. As it left, the
sound began to return, slowly, like a dragging audio tape, but gradually speeding up.

"Seek God? What's Chris got to do with this?" Chanur muttered. Then he remembered the cathedral scene they had fought
through, and the immense cross hanging on the wall there. He thought about the battle, covering the others while Skat
went after the orb that had saved Zhyan. He remembered Axelle wrapping Zhyan's hands around it, and Fianna having no
clue how to use it. He remembered Axelle closing her eyes and --

The demons were laughing at full speed and volume now, but their mirth was diminishing. Now the barks and hoots were
being replaced by the sounds of plasma weapons powering up.

"Seek God. Of course. Why didn't I think of that before?" Chanur said, smiling up at the monsters. "Dee En Kroz."

********

Peachyra, Spark, TygrisHawk and Ayanna gasped when the the monsters opened fire. Chanur vanished from view,
disappearing in a blizzard of motlen gasses and blue psionic energy. The flagstones around the blast area cracked and
split in the inferno, glowing red with solar heat. The outpouring went on and on, the deafening roar of Chanur's
destroyers drowned out by the whine and hiss of their weapons.

"Chanur," Peachyra whispered, and waited to die.

Then, rising like a pheonix from the very heart of the conflagration, Chanur rocketed into the air above the blast,
riding on the twin turbines of his new jet pack, fully restored and bristling with every concievable weapon in the game.

"GOD MODE, MOTHER FUCKERS!!! YAAAAAAAAAAH!!"

The hani released a flight of rockets that tore out in every direction. Both the surviving octabrains were blown to
smithereens, while the blue devils shrieked in pain and shock and reeled away from the unexpected counter-attack.

Thrusters blazing, Chanur rocketed after the monsters, throwing aside the rocket launcher in favor of his trusty chain
gun. Dodging between energy bursts, he hosed the demon on his left with red-hot lead, eliciting screams of agony and
rage from the bleeding fiend. The monster pitched backwards and toppled to the floor, mewling in pain.

Chanur swerved after the next demon, closing fast. Too fast - the demon stepped towards him and swatted the hani like a
bug. Chanur shot across the room, his body smashing chunks out of two pillars before he hit the floor and skidded to a
stop. The demon roared in triumph and ran after him, determined to finish the job.

Chanur sat up, suprised, but unharmed. He pulled three pipe bombs from his pack and threw them into the demon's path. A
press of the trigger detonated the charges, blowing the creature's right foot off at the ankle. It toppled, colliding
with the damaged pillars and pulling them down on top of itself.

Buried in the rubble, the creature struggle feebly to free itself. Chanur strolled around the pile until he was at the
monster's head. The creature saw him, snarled, and renewed it's attempts to break loose.

"Need a hand?" he asked, and dropped his chain gun and pulled out a futuristic weapon shaped like a yellow football. He
fired a burst of greenish light that struck the demon's head. In seconds the monster shrank to barely four inches tall,
it's howls ending abruptly in a suprised squeak. A fraction of a second later, tons of vacated rubble collapsed inwards
and crushed it to a pasty goo.

Chanur noted the trickle of purple ichor from the broken rocks with satisfaction, then went in pursuit of the other
monster. He found it trying to crawl away into the shadows, wimpering pitifully. He dropped the shrink ray and pulled
out a fresh weapon, aimed and yelled, "Hey buddy, let me put some ice on that for ya!"

The monster looked back at him and arched one eyebrow. Chanur hesitated, then said, "Uh, chill out?" The demon snorted.
"So I'm not Stephen King! I still have the fucking gun, okay?!" Then he opened up on the monster, spraying it with spiky
bolts of blue energy that flash-froze the beast's tissues everywhere they struck. He worked it like a fire hose, taking
his time to cover every last inch of the monster, reducing it to a frosty blue statue.

"Everybody's a critic," he snapped, then pulled out his pistol and shot the monster once. With an enormous crash and a
wash of frigid air, the demon's brittle body shattered into hundreds of thousands of ice fragments, scattering across
the chamber floor in watery chunks.

Chanur dropped the freeze ray and ran back to where Zhyan lay dying. He slid to a stop by the fallen angel, fishing in
his pack until he found his portable medkit. The small white box was adorned with a red cross emblem, at the center of
which was a three-digit display, currently reading "100". He set the box on Zhyan's chest, wrapped the angel's arms
around it and said, "Enter."

The digital display on the medkit began to count down quickly. As it did, the savage burns covering Zhyan's body began
to disappear, regenerating with incredible speed. When the readout reached zero, Zhyan's eyes fluttered open and he sat
up, shaken, but unharmed.

"Welcome back," Chanur grinned.


********

Around the bird bath, Spark and Peachyra were jumping up and down, holding on to each other, laughing and crying at the
same time.

"Well, that's great for you guys, but what about us?!" TygrisHawk complained. 

Peachyra let go of Spark and smiled at the young tigress. "Don't worry," she said. "Chanur knows what to do."

All eyes went to the scrying pool, where Chanur was on his feet again. "D-N-STUFF!" the hani yelled, and lurched as two
hundred pounds of ammunition and arsenal was restored to his person, and a fresh medkit appeared in his hands.

Then all four of the females were laughing, crying and jumping for joy. After a few moments, they crowded around the
bird bath again, watching as Chanur went to the injured authors, one by one, and restored them each in turn. There was a
brief exchange about what had happened, and then the rescuers crossed the dark chamber, found the elevator and crowded
inside.

"Now what?" Ayanna asked. 

As if in answer, the bird bath's water bowl emitted a brilliant spotlight of bright green light that shone up from the
pool and bathed the entire room in an emerald glow. The females moved swiftly away as, within that cone of radiance, a
large blocky shape took form. It had shaded windows in bifold doors, and a small sign above them read "police".

A loud female voice echoed throughout the garden. "Ground floor. Fruits, turnips, carnivorous plants and captives.
Everyone out." This was followed by a bell ringing, and the light and box both vanished, sending an array of authors
tumbling to the ground.

"CHANUR!!" Peachyra squealed and dashed to where her hani lay slumped over the bird bath. She threw her arms around his
neck and hugged him.

"SILVERKAT!" Ayanna shrieked, and pounced on her cohort, laughing giddily. Then Fianna scooped them both up in a bear
hug that left them gasping for breath.

"ZHYAN!! YOUR HAIR!!" Spark yelled, wrapping her arms around her archangel.

"Well, right, uhm, I can explain--" he began, feeling his shaved scalp. Then he realized his lavender locks had been
restored to their original flowing condition.

"It looks like we've all been normalized, as RD would say," Axelle pointed out, Tygris sitting respectfully at her side.

"Damn, I was just beginning to enjoy the firepower," Chanur grumbled good-naturedly. "At least I've got my trusty AP
back."

"Not that it will do you any good, of course."

Everyone froze as RD Rivero stepped out of the foliage, an obscenely long elephant gun in his hands. On either side of
the group, Shark and Thunderwolf appeared, their usual weapons traded in for the firepower of RD's dreaded weapon of cat
destruction.

"Anybody moves, everybody dies," the saberlion snarled.

"You don't think you can take us all, do you?" Fianna snarled back.

"We won't have to," RD replied easily. "The amulets adorning my former candidates still prevent them from raising a
hand to me. Moreover, those same amulets, those unlucky charms, will promptly constrict and sever the head of the wearer
if her game counterparts die."

"So, my erstwhile rescuers, the same question is put to you as it was your comrades earlier. Will you risk their lives
in your desparate bid for freedom? Or will you lay down your arms and surrender now?"

Chanur looked at Peachyra in dismay. The avatar shook her head helplessly.

"You bastard," Chanur growled at RD, then dropped his AP on the floor and kicked it over to Rivero. The others likewise
followed suit, Fianna relinquishing his axe, Axelle her daggers, and Zhyan his whip.

"Excellent, a wise choice indeed. Gentlemen," he nodded towards Shark and Thunderwolf, "You may fire at will."

"WHOA!! HEY!!" Peachyra yelled. "What about us?! Don't you still need an accomplice?!"

RD held up a hand, pausing his two henchmen, then said, "After due consideration, and all the effort and expense I've
gone through on this little venture, I realize now that 'chicks is grief', so to speak. Thank you for the concern, but
I'll just have to muddle through somehow." 

"Kill them."

"FREEZE!"

It was one word, but with it, all activity came to a halt. The forces of evil were transfixed a finger away from
ultimate victory. The good guys could not bring themselves to lift a finger to escape or fight back. Then, materializing
between RD and his intended victims, the reason revealed itself.

"CHEEZEY!! LADY BAST!!!" they all exclaimed.

"Hi everybody!" Cheezey exclaimed. "It's great to be back! We've been having so much fun and--"

"Just a moment, Tracy. Business before pleasantries" Lady Bast said. The four-foot tall felinoid, clad in the garb of
an egyptian goddess, turned towards the enthralled evil-doer, RD Rivero, her tail twitching in restrained fury.

"Ah, Bast, good to see you again, it's been, what, six months or so?"

"Can it, Rivero," Bast snarled. "You've got some nerve. I gave you permission to use my sprites as servants in exchange
for room and board while I was gone, and you promised me they'd be treated well. I come back and find half of them dead
and the rest malnurished and abused!" She crossed her arms, her face twisting in a sinister smile. "So, I've decided to
teach you a lesson."

"Really?!" RD squealed excitedly. "What do you hold in store for me, Divine One? Whips? Beatings? Riding-crops?"

"Hard labor," Bast said with a vicious smile.

"Wha?!" RD blurted, but got no further. Already the room was becoming charged with power as Lady Bast summoned her
might to her and prepared to level punishment upon her chosen victim.

"RD Rivero, I consign you to the most menial, most disrespected, most unappriciated job in the whole of Mundania. Let
the memory of your former power torment you as you trudge through the life of the lowest form of wage slave! Behold your
fate, RD Rivero, and DESPAIR!!"

The others could not see anything at all, but something seemed to appear for RD, for suddenly the evil dictator's face
drained of color, and his expression became one of fear, terror and complete revulsion. 

"NNNOOOOOO!!!" he screamed, then suddenly disappeared with a loud pop.

For a long time, nobody spoke, afraid of drawing the awesome wrath of the Divine Feline upon themselves as well. At
last, sensing their nervousness, Lady Bast turned to them and said, "Eventually, RD will free himself. Power such as his
cannot be contained indefinitely. Until that time, the rest of you have my blessing, and may go on your way. Cheeze?"

The psi lunatac noddded and relaxed her paralyzing hold on the minds of the assembly. As soon as he was liberated,
Chanur yelled, "It was you two! You're the ones who told me to seek god!"

Bast glanced sideways at her smiling lunie ally, then said to Chanur, "We needed a diversion while I took down the
ATB's magical defenses, and you did an admirable job, Nakur. Congratulations." Then both of them disappeared.

"Our hero," Peachyra sighed, and leaned heavily on the bewildered felinoid. "At least we can finally go home."

Thunderwolf said, "In case you got any ideas to the contrary, Bast said you could go. We didn't." Everyone looked at
him and Shark, and more specifically, at the obscenely long elephant guns still levelled at the party.

"C'mon big guy, we're all tired. Let's just call it a day, huh?" Fianna sighed.

"Forget it," Thunderwolf grinned. "I got just about everybody I've ever wanted to waste right here in front of me. No
way am I letting a chance like this pass me by."

"Thunderwolf, how much do you know about magic in this world?" Peachyra asked.

The saberlion hesitated, then said, "Enough."

"Apparently not," Peachyra answered. "Otherwise, you'd know that since RD has been transported out, these amulets have
stopped working."

"FUCK!" the warrior yelled and tried to squeeze off a shot, but one of RD's plants lashed out and knocked his weapon
skyward, blowing a hole in the roof. He dropped the gun and lunged for the aisle, but before he could get two steps, a
horde of plants had closed in on him, enveloped him, and hauled him into the air. Across the way, he could also see
Shark struggling helplessly in a vegetarian grip.

The plants shifted, dragging the two henchmen to the aisleway and holding them before the group. Peachyra removed her
necklace and dropped it on the floor in front of them, followed by Spark, Ayanna and TygrisHawk.

"What do we do with them, girls?" Peachyra asked.

"We shall gut them and make sausages of their innards!" Spark declared.

"String 'em up and let 'em dance on air!" Ayanna yelled.

"Beat 'em till they cry for their mammas!" Tygris snapped.

"No, no and no," Peachyra answered. "The truth is, they never really did hurt anybody, so we have to make the
punishement fit the crime."

"Ahem."

Everyone turned to find Silverkat grinning and waving her hand in the air.

"I've got an idea," she said hopefully.

********

In the tastefully decorated study of a tasteful house in the western United States, a human female with curly brown
hair smiled with contentment and switched off her computer. She stretched, yawned, and went into the living room where,
a moment later, her house-guest joined her. Taking the seat opposite her host, the newcomer passed her a can of Dr
Pepper and said, "What are they doing?"

"Headed back to Silvercat's pub, I imagine," Lady Bast said, popping the top on her soda. "This little demonstration of
power should serve to keep them in line."

"I wouldn't count on it," Cheezey said. "It used to be Fianna you had to watch for, but now there's Chanur, Servali,
Alan."

"Yay, though I walk through the valley of the nincompoops, I shall fear no smart-ass," Bast said somberly. "For I am
the smartest ass in the whole damn valley."

They chuckled together for a moment, then Cheezey asked, "So what did you do to him, anyway?"

Before Bast could reply, the doorbell rang. The hostess got up and went to the entrance, Cheezey following behind. They
opened the door to find a small man with hispanic features and little hair, sweating profusely in the summer sun. He was
dressed in an off-the-rack gray seersucker suit, and carried an oversized briefcase in his left hand. His right hand was
extended towards the two women, offering a small white business card.

"Good afternoon, ladies. If you have a moment, I would like to speak to you about an american company, providing fine
american products to the public for over one hundred years."

Bast took the card without looking at it. "Thanks, but we're not interested."

The man never blinked. "Do you know that the sudsing agent in most common laundry detergents is only crushed peanut
shells? If you put peanut shells in your wash water, how are your clothes supposed to get clean? Our detergent is
concentrated, and has no added --"

"I'm sorry, I'm really not--"

"Then perhaps I can interest you in a business opportunity? Imagine earning hundreds, even thousands of dollars a
month, providing fine household goods to your friends and family?" The man's voice quavered slightly with just a tinge
of desparation.

"Look pal, she said get lost!" Cheezey snapped. She stepped away from the door, tugged Bast back inside and slammed it
shut. Then she looked out through the peep-hole.

"Wow, he's crying," she said. "But geeze, he wouldn't take 'no' for an answer! What are you supposed to, hey, why are
you laughing?"

Bast handed Cheezey the business card. It read simply: RD Rivero, Amway Representative.

********

Back Silverkat's pub, business was brisk. The owner had hired the suddenly-unemployed sprites for a decent wage, and as
they worked, they sang a merry folk tune, slightly modified for the occasion.

If it wasn't for the waiters, what would you do?

You wouldn't have a mug of beer that's full!

You wouldn't have your chicken wings or whiskey too,

If it wasn't for the work of the waaaaaaiters!

"Extortionists," Chanur grumbled, guilted into coughing up a tip five times the cost of his panni refill.

"Quit complaining. The mighty hero can afford to be gracious," Peachyra said mildly.

Chanur looked at her and smiled broadly. "You really think I was a hero?"

She gave him a sideways look, sipped her beer and said, "You did... okay."

Chanur leaned back in his chair, put his feet up on the table and twined his fingers behind his head. "Oh yeah, I'm
bad," he chortled.

Spark and Zhyan had disappeared as soon as they all reached the pub. The standing opinion of most of the clientele was
that the two were in one of the upstairs rooms, relieving each others' anxieties, and would be downstair again when
finished, in about ten minutes. Tops.

In the kitchen, Thunderwolf snarled, "I wish they'd fucking stop that fucking singing!" He was chained by the ankle to
the grill, wearing a white apron and chef's hat and one of Axelle's discipline shock collars to keep him in line. He
scooped up three hamburgers, flipped them, leaned over and spat in the vegetable soup.

Shark was chained a few feet away, in the salad prep area, chopping lettuce. "I don't know, I kind of like it," the
ichthyoid said brightly. Thunderwolf leaned over and swatted him smartly on the butt with the spatula.

Back in the dining room, Fianna leaned back in his chair, a pint of Murphy's on the table, his beloved wifey in his
lap, and enjoyed the spectacle of his friends having fun. Ayanna and TygrisHawk were dashing around the room pell-mell,
sending the occasional sprite flying when one happened to get in the way. Silverkat was carefully instructing a patch of
empty air on her left to quit picking on the air to her right. Pfisiar and Alan were arguing over wether possession of a
toy pyramid actually constituted a super-power, or was just symbolic of pueberty. 

The caninoid reached into his belt pouch and took out the small pellet he'd collected in the game. Unlike the other
items the team had aquired, the shiny ball of silver had not vanished when they emerged in RD's happy garden. He rolled
it in his fingers and frowned.

********

"Master assassin."

Standing framed in the doorway to her quarters, her hand on the light switch, Axelle froze at the sound of her father's
voice issuing from the dark recesses of the room.

"Come inside and close the door," Gunnar said. Axelle complied, leaving the light off. He had not instructed her to
turn it on.

"Where have you been?"

"I prosecuted the rescue of my apprentice, Clan Lord," she said formally. There was no point in lying, and referring to
him as "father" would only infuriate him at this point.

"And what were my instructions to you?"

"That I was to leave her to her fate," Axelle answered. She did not elaborate; Gunnar was not interested in excuses or
explanations, and wasting time offering either would only enrage him further.

In the darkness, she heard movement, and could sense his closeness. When he spoke, his tone did not change, but the
intensity of it filled Axelle with the unfamiliar, uncomforatble sensation of mortal fear.

"When you were born, I considered killing you," he said quietly. "I would have preferred a son. Instead, I have raised
you and trained you. I have invested years in the attempt to create from your inferior female material a vessel suitable
to carry my legacy into the apocolypse. And in one night, you jeapordize everything I have worked for."

Gunnar's rock-hard hand slapped Axelle across the face with a loud crack. The assassin's knees buckled, and she
collapsed back against the wall, stunned and in pain.

He said, "Do not imagine yourself indespensible to me, assassin. I have enough years remaining to me to raise another
child in your stead. Defy me again and I will kill you." Then he opened the door and left. 

Axelle remained slumped in the corner for several minutes, waiting for her head to stop spinning. Eventually, she was
able to get up and stagger across the dark room, find her bed and tumble into it. She rolled onto her back, feeling the
heat where her face was starting to swell.

Ignoring the pain, she thought about everything that had happened through the long night. On the surface, it was a
success. Her objective had been attained, she's survived despite several close calls, and Gunnar had not killed her
either.

But there remained one nagging concern - the sniper. Who had fired on her just before the final battle? And why had
they chosen her, specifically, for a target? And what was their relationship to RD Rivero that they even cared? She
pondered these questions a few moments and decided she did not have enough data to answer any of them. 

She closed her eyes and willed herself to sleep. As she fell into that semi-hypnotic state between waking and slumber,
the words of her father drifted back into her mind's ear.

"Defy me again and I will kill you."

"Not if I kill you first, daddy," she whispered softly, and smiled.

********

It took nearly a week to find him, a week spent choking on the noxious, polluted air, forcing down the chlorine-laden
water and preservative-filled food of this miserable world of Mundania, this city called New Jersey. The summer heat was
unbearable, and she'd been forced to cover herself completely, hiding her nature in this world of mankind. Fortunately,
there was a kind of woman here forced to swath her hair, face and body in robes and veils, and this garb had kept her
identity protected.

She had paid a terrible price for the privilage of being poisoned and roasted, allowing Mumm-Ra the Ever-Living to soil
her body to his depraved content, but in the end, it had all been worth it. RD Rivero, Master of All Evil and Amway
Salesman, was tied to the bed in a dingy hotel room in a seedy back alley. He had not resisted at any point during his
capture and binding, coerced by the promise that she would hear his "network marketing" plan after he was secured.

"It's very simple, really," he said. "But it does require some effort. If you interview 10 prospects, only 2 might sign
on, and out of every 10 prospects, only one might have that charisma, that animal magnetism, that star potential to be a
truly great seller. But that one person will be sufficient to elevate you to Sapphire Club level, at least."

She finished taking off the robes, then grabbed the tv-vcr combination from the corner and wheeled it into view of
where he was bound.

"RD, I want you to watch some videos with me, alright?"

"Are they inspirational? I love stories of people who made the system work for them--"

"Yes, they are very inspirational. Enjoy." She popped in a cassette, turned it on, then went into the kitchen area to
prepare a meager dinner for them.

Meanwhile, on the bed, RD watched a forest scene appear on the screen. Over this, in blood-dripping letters, were the
words, "Collected Works, Volume One : Don't Open the Bag!"

The End...?