The Courtship of RD Rivero
Dedicated to Spark - just put down the knife, 'kay?
Part 5
Silverkat looked around in annoyance. If she was dead, and she suspected she was, God owed her one hell of an
explanation, since heaven looked alot like a dirty beach. Behind her, scummy water the chromatic shade of
industrial waste lapped at the ashen shore. In front of her were rocky hills without a hint of vegetation or
animal life, and in the distance, a smoldering volcano. To either side, more beach and water.
"Son of a bitch," she said. There was an audible pop to her right, and Fianna dropped out of mid-air, hitting
the beach with a thud and muted clank of chain mail. The immense caninoid sat up, spat out a mouthful of sand
and said, "What about my mom?"
While Skat was still staring at him, she heard two more pops, but only one thud. She turned to find Zhyan
floating gently to the ground next to Chanur, who was already sitting up and complaining loudly.
"Do you know what I'm going to have to do to get this crap out of my fur?!" he yelled.
"It's no picnic for any of us, Hani," Skat said tersely. "Anyone see Axelle?" As if in response, there was a
final pop, and the assassin flipped in mid-air to land gracefully on her feet, not a hair out of place.
"So is this AOHell or what?" Skat asked.
"Naw," Fianna said, dusting himself off. "In AOHell, the Steve Chase trolls chain you to a desk and make you
answer customer service calls. I know, I've been there alot."
"Then were are we?" she asked.
"Whereever it is," Chanur said, lifting his AP, "it looks like we were expected."
Everyone turned to face the same direction as the Hani. Coming in over the hills in were some cylindrical
objects, metallic in color, hovering a foot above the rocky earth. They moved quickly, eating up the distance
as they closed in on the authors, green eyes glowing above small, mouth-like ports.
"Might be predators," Chanur said.
"Might also be natives," Skat replied. "Nobody attacks until there's a clear risk of injury."
"Who the hell put you in charge?" Chanur growled.
Skat turned narrowed eyes on the Hani. "I did," she said dangerously.
Chanur was about to speak when one of the cylinders landed between the two of them, facing the Hani.
Suddenly, the gun-metal substance of the object became clear as glass, and two psuedopods struck out, seizing
the warrior. Chanur roared in alarm and fury, bringing his AP to bear, but before he could fire, another
appendage struck it from his hand, enveloping it in a glowing sphere of force, putting it beyond anyone's
reach. Then he was pulled into the gelatinous mass, struggling for air before the cylinder shifted color and
substance back to solid metal.
"Well, that sucked," Skat said. Another of the machines landed beside theThunderian, but she vaulted away,
barely eluding the tentacles that lunged for her.
Axelle looked at Fianna, and was suprised to find the dog was not alarmed at all. When a cylinder landed
beside him, he offerred no resistance, and was gently picked up and taken. Then the object sped off to join
the one containing Chanur, already hovering it's way towards the island's interior.
"Don't fight them!" Ax yelled to the others. "They're not dangerous!"
"How do you know?" Skat yelled as several cylinders hemmed her and Zhyan in and began closing.
"Fianna knows what they are," Ax replied. Then, several steel tentacles closed on her and lifted her from the
ground.
********
"So, Spotface, we meet at last," Rivero said. He was seated at the desk in his study, dressed in a red velvet
three-piece suit. A fedora of the same hue hung on the coat rack by the door, where Thunderwolf stood guard,
imposing in his black suit and his hands clasped in front of him.
In the chair facing Rivero was a quadraped cheetah, clad in a red necktie and gray fedora of her own. Her
catnip flask hung from a belt on her waist, untouched. In front of her, on the desk was a glass of 'nip tea.
Over the tie, a small silver amulet glowed in the overhead light.
"Try it," RD said, sipping his own glass. "You should enjoy it, it was your shipment, after all. Besides, if
I'd meant to harm you, you would have awakend hanging from a curtain rod."
"Watch yer mouth, ya mug," Spotface growled. "You're messing with Team Tyger now, boy-o, and when Skat and
Fianna get here, they'll straighten you out but good!"
"I don't see that happening, at least, not anytime soon," RD said with a confidence that made Ayanna's heart
sink. "In fact, you might want to consider a new avenue of employment."
"Spotface doesn't sell out her pals to no mugs, especially ones as ugly as yours," the cheetah retorted.
Rivero grinned. "Perhaps you'll reconsider if you know what you stand to gain. Thunderwolf?" The lion nodded,
opened the door and stepped aside. Into the room trooped a procession of sprites, those king-size pixies who
had found themselved out of honest work when Lady Bast moved on. Draped on their small shoulders were bales
and bales of catnip, which they began stacking along the walls of the office.
Ayanna swooned, struggling to maintain her composure in the face of so much 'nip. Then she turned back to RD.
"What's the big idea, Rivero? You think a little catnip is going to turn my head?"
"Not a little, no, but how about several tons?" RD replied. "Mediterannean Gold, the very best. You can
market it, manage it, and keep half the proceeds for yourself. Personally, " he paused and dumped the tea on
the floor, making a face, "I can't stand the stuff. Tastes like lawn clippings."
"So just like that? You're giving me all the 'nip racket in TCATGR?" Ayanna said suspiciously.
"Not precisely," RD said smoothly. "You see, Ayanna, I need an assistant, an accomplice, if you will. I need
somebody smart, someone quick, someone who knows the game, how it's played, and plays to win. I've watched
your activites in the minor leagues for some time, Spotface, and I think it's time you moved up to the majors."
"Where's the hook?" she asked. "In this game, nobody plays for free."
"Well, that would be abandoning Team Tyger and joining the ATB, of course. You'll be using all that wonderful
speed and wit to assist me in annihilating your old pals and their Thundercat allies."
"NO DEAL!!" Spotface roared. "I'll give ya credit, Rivero, you just about had me hooked, but no way am I--"
Suddenly RD was on his feet. With one arm he swept the desk top, sending everything there crashing onto the
floor. Then he leaned over the desk, fixing the cheetah with a laser-like glare. When he spoke, it was with an
eerie calm.
"There's two sides to this confrontation, Spotface, my side, and the losing side. I'm taking Team Tyger down
hard, and you'd better ask yourself if you want to go down with them. Join me, and you'll be my chief officer,
running the whole operation. Oppose me, and you're just another squashed cat on the highway."
Spotface sprang up in her chair, paws on desk, her nose almost touching Rivero's. Thunderwolf snapped to
attention and took a step forward, then hesitated.
"You're messing with the wrong kitty, Rivero. You wanna intimidate me, ask Steve Irwin how far he got. My
gang is gonna roll right through you and bust me out of this joint, no sweat. You're the one going down,
Rivero, not us."
RD smiled. "I guess we'll see. But in the meantime, you can enjoy my hospitality. Thunderwolf, take our
feisty guest to her suite and see that she's secure and comfortable, but mostly secure."
Thunderwolf came up behind Spotface, grabbed her by the scruff of the neck and hauled her into the air. When
they were gone, RD sat down and sighed. He was rubbing his temples when Thunderwolf came back.
"Nice moves, really shook her up," Thunderwolf said sarcastically.
"I wasn't trying to intimidate her, just to make my point strongly," Rivero replied. "Of all four, I think
her sense of loyalty runs deepest. Beyond her versatility and adaptability, it is that loyalty that I crave.
But the very thing I admire is makes her the most unlikely to convert."
"So what did you do to the losers, vaporize them? Shark was pretty pissed, he was gonna eat Zhyan except for
your orders."
RD sat back up and smiled, his black eyes glittering faintly red. "Oh no, Thunderwolf, I did not harm a
single lock upon their heads. Indeed, there was a reason I ordered them spared, and that portion of my plan
has been set into motion already. Two more interviews, two more discussions with our guests, and then, my
semi-faithful henchman, then the games shall begin in earnest."
********
Silverkat tumbled out of the cylinder and onto the ground. Pushing herself up, she realized Fianna had been
right - the cylinders were some form of bizarre transportation system. Behind her, her transport retreated to
a niche built into the stone wall. Around the room were many other niches, and as she watched, four more
cylinders floated into the room and stood, glowing a faint green.
She stood up, then noticed something had changed. Actually, several things, specifically her clothes. She had
been picked up in her favorite outfit of jeans and tee shirt, but now she was clad in a black dress with poofy
sleeves and a knee-length skirt. She also wore a frilly white apron, adorned with some sort of runes on the
pockets. One of the pockets bulged, and from it she fished a twelve-inch butcher's knife. Studying her
reflection, she realized he hair had been pulled into two mid-length braids secured with black ribbons. On her
feet were shiny black shoes with big brass buckles.
"Hmm. Very goth. But if I don't get my Neon Genesis Evangelion shirt back, somebody's getting hurt."
Across the room, another cylinder transformed, and a massive green-and-gray-clad figure staggered out. Skat
heard muffled protests from within a mushroom-shaped helmet while the newcomer struggled with the visor. At
last, it popped open, and Fianna's nose jutted out into space.
"Ow!" the caninoid barked, ripping the helmet off. "Whoever designed that thing did NOT build it for dogs!"
Then he caught sight of Skat.
"Uh-oh," they said simultaneously. Then Skat added, "Space Marine, 'Doom', right?"
"Alice, game of the same name," Fianna replied. "This does not bode well." As he said this, another of the
cylinders opened, and Zhyan leapt out, setting down lightly on the stone floor. The dog looked at him and
grinned.
"Lo Wang, 'Shadow Hunter'," Fianna said. Zhyan looked at the dog in confusion, then checked his clothes. He
was now attired in a set of tight black leggins. His pale chest was adorned with dragon tattoos, and a sword
was slung across his back, between his wings. But the biggest change was--
"MY HAIR!!" the englishman wailed, clutching at his scalp. Zhyan's lavender locks were gone, shaved down to a
single long braid at the top of his head. "AAAAUGH!!"
"I'm standing here done up like Mister Rogers' dominatrix, and he's spazzing about his hair?" Skat asked.
Then another cylinder opened, and Axelle stepped out. Clad in white leggings, knee-high tan leather boots and
a matching bodice, she stumbled once over the unfamiliar longsword strapped to her hip. She took the others in
at a glance and said, "Looks like we have a theme going here. You I recognize, but what am I supposed to be?"
"Nadia, from 'Nightmare Creatures'," Fianna replied. "One of my favorite games. But if any of the monsters
have been imported, we're going to have trouble. Those vampires are murder."
Zhyan was recovering. "But, but where are we? What were those things that brought us here? And how do we get
back?"
The group looked around. The periphery of the room was lit by wall sconces, but the major illumination came
from a glowing fire ring surrounded by a ring of marble. The blaze was smokeless, and did not seem to
contribute any heat to the room. The walls were decorated with ornate mosaics in a variety of colors and
gildings, as was the floor. At the center was a raised onyx platform, upon which rested a massive wooden
throne.
"'Kalia'," Fianna said. "I thought as much when I saw the cylinders. We're trapped in a variation of one of
RD's stories."
"Variation?" Silverkat asked.
"Well, 'Kalia' was based loosely on 'Doom', but this is a little different. We're representing characters
from several first-person shooters, so who knows what else might have changed? I know the original story, but
I'm sure RD isn't going to play it the same way." the dog replied.
Axelle looked around. "Has anybody spotted Chanur yet?"
At that moment, the room filled with six musical notes, played hard and gritty on an electric guitar tuned
for powerhouse blues. The single bar they formed was instantly recognized by all as the unseen instrument
launched into the opening of George Thorogood and the Destroyers' "Bad to the Bone."
The last niche in their group exploded, the front of the cylinder flying to pieces with a deafening crash. As
the music roared in accompaniment, Nakur Na Chanur stepped out of the cylinder. He was wearing tight blue
jeans tucked into shit-kicker boots. His broad, muscular chest was scarely covered by a stretched red tank
top, and over this, a tan flak vest. His mane was buzzed flat between his ears, and his eyes were hidden
behind black ray-ban sunglasses. In his right hand was a pump-action shotgun, in the left, a chain gun, the
belted ammo slung over his arm.
"Who wants some?" he growled, smiling broadly.
TBC