The Courtship of RD Rivero
Part 6
TygrisHawk wandered around the gymnasium, looking at the bulky, smelly collections of oily cylinders and
rods on heavy steel frames that Thunderwolf called "exercise equipment". She'd been suprised by the lack
of free weights, until she examined the hydraulic resistance settings on the equipment, and discovered
them metered in tons.
"Do you enjoy working out?" RD Rivero said from behind her, making the tigress jump. She turned to find
the Dreaded Master of All Evil grinning at her, sitting on the bench of a particularly wicked-looking
shoulder-press machine.
"What I enjoy is none of your business, Rivero," she snapped. "Why am I here?"
"Your impetuousness got you into trouble, remember? Don't blame yourself, though. After all, the student
is only as good as the teacher."
"NOBODY DISSES AX AROUND ME, PAL!!"
RD held up one hand placatingly. "Please, there's no need to roar. I'm sitting right here after all.
Besides, I'm not 'dissing' Axelle, as you put it. Rather, I'm stating an observed fact."
"What fact it that, baldy?" Tygris snarled.
"That I am a far better instructor than she, superior in every respect," RD said.
Tygris snorted derisively. "You couldn't teach me to tie my shoes, RD. Axelle would kick your ass."
"Really? And what do you imagine she'd think of this?" RD pointed to the resistance setting of the
machine, which Tigris noted was on 10 tons. Then the evildoer positioned himself, gripped the bar and
pumped it easily 10 times. When he was done, he looked at her expectantly.
"A trick," Tygris said. "You've got the machine rigged."
RD smiled, and in the pupils of his eyes, fire began to move like glowing red worms on black wood.
Suddenly, every machine in the gym was pumping furiously, metal straining, pistons seizing, until smoke
began rolling out of the seals. Tygris yelped, looking around in suprise and sudden fear.
"Magic," she stuttered. "You're cheating, using magic."
"Hasn't Axelle taught you that victory is the only judge of cheating?" RD said. As the machines
continued to clatter and bang, he got up, went to a nearby one the size of a small Buick. He touched it
with one finger, bringing it to an instant stop, then he tapped it lightly.
The device imploded, collapsing in on itself with a shriek of rending metal and a blast of oily
hydraulic fluid that drenched the tiger, yet somehow left RD untouched. It continued to shrink, to crush
into a shapeless mass, building heat as it did so, the oily residue smoking thickly before it burnt off.
Finally, it fell to the floor with a loud clang, the entire device reduced to a chunk of red-hot steel no
larger than a soda can.
RD said "In the classroom, we are taught that knowledge is power, but in the schoolyard, we learn this
is not true. A knowledge of Shakespeare has never saved one benighted soul from a thorough beating at the
hands of the class ruffian."
"But here, in this domain, I have created a world where knowledge carries true, immediate power. In this
realm, learning is the swiftest, surest route to overcoming all obstacles, tearing down fortresses, and
destroying all enemies. The only limitation to what you may achieve is the quality of your intellect and
your will to use it."
"My intellect is without limit, and my will is as iron. You know this to be true, TygrisHawk. I am
prepared to offer you tutelage under the mightiest magus in the history of fanfiction, and the only price
is your complete and absolute loyalty to me."
TygrisHawk frowned. "'Not a penny, just your soul,' right? And if I refuse?"
RD smiled, and every piece of equipment in the chamber imploded, crushed in a spilt-second into red wads
of steel the size of softballs. Tygris looked around in horror, covered in stinking hydraulic oil.
"I'll have your answer later today," RD said quietly. "I have one more candidate to speak with, after
which, the final decision will be made among the willing applicants. Thunderwolf?" The saberlion stepped
through the doorway and looked around in horror equal to TygrisHawk's own.
"This better be getting replaced," he snarled.
"Don't concern yourself. Please escort TygrisHawk back to her room, and watch your step. It's a bit
slippery in here." When they were gone, RD heard his communicator beep in his pocket. He took it out and
saw Purrsia's face on the screen.
"Her Royal Fruitiness is awake and ready for your visit," the lioness said merrily. "She's pretty irate.
You sure you wanna go through with this one?"
"Absolutely," RD replied. "True, it's a bit of a risk, but the reward surpasses all hazards. After all,
who hasn't dreamt of having a god in their hip pocket?"
********
"What's it saying?" Chanur asked.
"Do I look like a linguist?" Silverkat snapped.
"Naw, you look like a halloween prop," he retorted. "Fianna, you read this story, what's it saying?"
The team was gathered in front of a throne, occupied by a giant cybernetic ogre-like thing booming down
pronouncements in a foreign tounge none of them recognized. The monster sported horns and it's body
seemed severely damaged, the flesh torn, the internal hydaulic mechanism laid out in open sight.
"It's supposed to give context to our quest. I think it's commanding us to rescue it's daughter or wife,
or something like that," the dog replied. When everyone stared at him, he shrugged and said, "Hey, I read
it years ago."
"This is the crummiest animatronics job I've ever seen," Chanur noted. "You really mean to tell me our
lives hinge on this reject from Chuckie Cheese?"
After a few more rumbles, the ogre fell silent and sat back. Beside the throne, the wall slid apart to
reveal a door. "I guess this is where we came in," Zhyan said, drawing his sword. "Look alive, everyone,
or we won't look it for very long."
Weapons in hand, the group moved off, two abreast, into the dark corridor beyond. Several moments of
walking brought them to a courtyard, centered on a pool of water. Surrounding the pool were a set of
hybernation capsules, badly damaged and smashed.
"In the story, the victims got into these things and were plugged into a VR world to fight the
computer," Fianna said.
"These couldn't plug in a toaster," Axelle stated, kicking one and dislodging a large chunk or rusty
sheet metal.
"There's a door over there," Zhyan said, pointing, then started towards it.
"Zhy, wait--" Chanur said, and got no further as the door slammed open and two bug-eyed aliens in red
uniforms charged into the room, firing bursts of plasma in all directions.
"FUCK!" Zhyan yelped, and launched into the air. Behind him, Skat and Axelle dove for cover. Suddenly,
the air filled with the ripping sound of high-powered chain guns, and the aliens went down like torn
packages of hamburger.
Chanur and Fianna lowered their weapons and advanced on the corpses, collecting two ammo packs in the
process. "This is gonna be fun" the Hani chortled to the grinning dog.
********
Peachyra examined the plant. It was small, barely waist high, waving rythmically although there was no
breeze in the arboreum. The stem and branches had a fleshy, animal look to them, pink-skinned and heavily
veined. There were no leaves, and on the end of the stems were individual eye balls, Thunderan red, that
tracked her wherever she went, and occasionally blinked.
As repugnant as the plant -- and despite it's anantomy, she was sure it was a plant -- appeared, worse
were the thoughts and emotions it exuded. There was a candy-like urge to touch, to stroke, so powerful
even a non-sensitive would have picked it up. But behind that was a ravening hunger, a desire to
fertilize it's soil with a corpse poisoned by the venom-laden thorns lurking just below the surface of
it's hide.
"Lovely, isn't it?" RD Rivero said. "It's one of my favorites, a gift from Mumm-Ra."
"It's hideous," Peachyra said sternly. "They all are. Your garden has all the appeal of a convention of
serial killers at a sorority dorm."
"Thank you!" RD said proudly. "I've been working on it for years, and the beauty of it is, it serves so
many purposes. I've got every organic toxin known to fanfiction in here, plus a few of my own hybrids.
Most of my spell components and elixer ingredients, as well. But for the most part, I like to come here
and soak up the ambiance and relax after a hard day of Tygra torture. It rejuvenates me."
Peachyra stared at him a moment, then said, "Why am I here?"
RD said, "I am seeking a partner in crime, an accomplice, so to speak. I have brought several candidates
to my residence and interviewed them all. But you, Peachyra, you have the greatest power, the mightiest
potential. The others are limited, lacking vision, direction or experience, but not you. You are complete
in every aspect, and for this reason, I invite you to join me, above all others."
"I guess you haven't been paying attention," Peachyra said dourly. "I already have a team."
RD smirked. "Oh, yes, the Ferocious Females. The hani that wants your job, the hyena that wants a
mother, and the lovebirds that want left alone." He shook his head. "Do not allow these hangers-on to
dissuade you from me; in truth, they would likely not notice you were gone."
Peachyra stared at him a moment, then said, "You don't know what you're talking about."
"Of course I do," RD said mildly. "Being a leader is supposed to earn you the respect of your team, but
sadly, it has only earned you a bulls-eye on your forehead, or perhaps your back. I, on the other hand, I
can offer you a true team environment, a place to grow your power and set roots deep and strong. As my
accomplice, we will work together towards a well-defined goal, without the endless intrigues that so
plagued your former life."
"Sooo, instead of suffering disrespect among my peers, I can join you, and suffer disrespect from
everybody?" Peachyra asked. "Uh, no. Besides, your take on our group dynamic is completely wrong. We have
our separate interests, but we pull together when it counts."
RD smiled, and Peachyra knew instantly she had stumbled into something bad.
"You think so?" he said. "Shall we put this theory of yours to the test then?" He looked up towards the
ceiling and said, "Spark, Ayanna, TygrisHawk. Would you join us, please?"
The summoned females appeared with a series of pops, each looking startled at their sudden change in
surroundings. Then they caught sight of Peachyra, and the arboreum filled with excited squeals of
"Peachy!" "Sparky!" "Aya!" and "Tygris!". Hugs and excited whispers were exchanged in rapid bursts while
RD leaned against a bird bath, examining his fingernails. Eventually that racket subsided, and RD coughed
to catch their attention.
"Ladies, the time has come for one of you to step up and accept my generous offer to become my
accomplice. Peachyra, since you have declined, I'll address the others. Ayanna?"
The cheetah whirled on RD and snarled, "Get bent, Rivero! I told you I wasn't interested!"
"Tygris?"
The tiger looked at the others and said simply, " No."
"Spark?"
"No, Evil Bald One. I was sorely tempted, but I am good, and will always be. I refuse your offer."
Peachyra looked at Rivero with satisfaction, but her feeling of triumph was short-lived, since the evil
dictator did not look upset. Indeed, he seemed excited.
"Uh-oh," Ayanna whispered.
"Ladies, I must confess that this possibility did not escape my forethought," he said. "Therefore, I
made certain, arrangements to guarantee some level of satisfactory result. Would you please join me
around the bird bath?"
He waited, and after a brief whispered discussion, the females came, gathering in a circle around the
pool of clear water. He said, "Spark, to ensure no trickery is involved, would you kindly cast a scrying
spell on the water? Ask to view Zhyan and those with him," Rivero said.
The Azteca looked from him to Peachyra, who nodded once. Then the priestess issued a series of words in
her native ancestral tounge, and an image appeared in the bird bath.
"Forgive the reception, it normally needs a chicken sacrifice, but ZHYAN! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HIS
HAIR?!"
The females crowded in around the horrified Spark, gaping at the scene in the water. Beneath the
surface, a battle was raging inside a large room fashioned from heavy stones. On one side was a motley
collection of humans, aliens and monsters. On the other side were the bad guys. Everyone was shooting at
each other in a dazzling display of firepower.
"That's Fianna and Chanur!" Aya said excitedly, indicating the two humanoids closest to the enemy line.
Decked out in bizzarre uniforms and bristling with weapons, they were taking cover behind some pillars
while trading volleys with the monsters across the chamber.
"Amazing. They're not shooting each other," Peachyra said drily. "There's Zhyan, too."
"And Skat is behind Chanur, and Axelle with Fianna," Spark finished. "What has happened to them? Why do
they look so different?"
"I can explain that," RD said jovially. "What you are watching is a game I created based on an old story
of mine. Your would-be rescuers are acting as characters from a variety of shoot-em-up video games, such
as 'Alice' and 'Shadow Warrior'. Note Chanur's flat-top, and I must say, Zhyan looks rather dashing with
all those tattoos."
"What is the meaning of this?! Why have you done this to them?!" Spark demanded.
RD grinned at her. "Why, to force a decision, of course. You see, each of you is represented in the game
by your team mates. If they die, you die. This gives Ayanna a slight advantage, since she has two members
involved, but then, Skat doesn't really count."
"Now, all you have to do to save yourselves and your respective team mates is accept my offer. The first
one who does becomes my new accomplice, and her team mate goes free. Sadly, everyone else dies a gruesome
death, there and here."
"YOU BASTARD!!" Peachyra screamed.
RD shrugged. "I told you I was an evil bad guy. You see, it's comparatively easy to sacrifice your own
life, but much harder for a person of conscience to sacrifice the lives of others. What you are
confronted with here is a value judgement - do nothing, and watch your closest friends die, or accept my
offer, and kill everyone else."
"Who among you will make that decision? Who has the greatest depth of evil in her heart, to willingly
betray another to the grave? Who will be the first to declare herself the new Mistress of All Evil?" He
paused, giggled and said, "Oh, I am just SO naughty! I'll give you all a while to observe and think. If
any of you need me, just speak my name." And with that, he disappeared.
The women stood around the bird bath / scrying pool and looked at each other, then looked at the water.
********
"CLIP!!"
Fianna paused in blasting his shotgun to pull a clip of bullets from his belt and toss it across the
aisle to Chanur. The Hani caught it and slammed it home into his chain gun, then leaned around the pillar
and resumed firing.
"Dammit, Chanur, AIM!" Fianna yelled over the racket. "How the hell can you be such a lousy shot?!"
"AP's have a fifty-yard blast radius! I never had to aim before!" the Hani snapped back.
"This is ridiculous!" Silverkat shouted. "I'm the fucking team leader and all I have is this stupid
butcher's knife! Chanur, give me a weapon!"
The Hani stepped back around the pillar as three fireballs detonated against the stone, pulled his
pistol out of his waist band and threw it to the Thunderian. He leaned back around the pillar and fired
off another volley while Skat stared at the gun indignantly.
"You've got to be kidding me," she snarled, then shoved the gun down the back of Chanur's pants.
Ignoring his startled "Hey!", she snatched a short cylinder off his backpack, located the trigger and
leapt to the middle of the room, facing the enemy squad.
"FIRE IN THE HOLE, BABY!!" she screamed, and fired a small missle from the tube. It raced across the
intervening space before the enemy troops could react, and exploded, sending a blast of stone dust,
chips, and monster body parts spraying in all directions.
When the rubble cleared, the enemy was destroyed, all of her team mates were holding their ears in pain,
and Skat was grinning like a cat with a mouthful of canary.
"Ooooo yeah, me like, me like!" she said happily.
********
"What do we do?" Ayanna asked as the miniature Chanur began trying to wrestle the rocket launcher away
from the black-clad Silverkat.
"What can we do?" Spark said mournfully. "RD is right. If it were my life, I could give it up, but I
have no right to sacrifice Zhyan for you, or you for Zhyan and myself!"
"The Paladin's Dillema, two choices, both intolerable," Peachyra said as the tiny Skat got the rocket
launcher away and aimed it at the Hani, forcing the others to scatter for cover.
"There's one more choice," Tygris said. When the others turned to her, she said, "We can wait and see.
If I remember right from Axelle's counter-magic class, every spell has to have it's own undoing built in,
or it has no power. It's like Newton's Law of Sorcery, or something. If RD used magic to put them in his
story, all they have to do is survive and make it to the exit, and then they'll be back here again."
"Some big 'if's there, Tiger-Baby," Ayanna noted. What if there's more levels? You know how Rivero is
about epics. Besides, didn't the heroes die at the end of 'Duke Nukem' and 'Doom'?"
"Yeah, but I can't kill you guys, and I don't want to kill Axelle and myself by waiting," Tygris
countered. "The only thing left to do is put my faith in Axelle to get out of there alive and rescue me."
The others were quiet a moment. Finally, Peachyra said, "Tygris is right. I'll put my trust in Chanur
and wait it out."
"My gang'll get me out of here," Ayanna said with absolute certainty.
"Zhyan, please be safe," Spark said. "And not for me, my love, but for you. Be careful, and I will wait
for you too."
Peachyra indicated the water, where Chanur was on his knees with his hands on top of his head, Skat
levelling the rocket launcher at him. Listening closely, they heard the Hani yell, "Okay, okay! Keep the
damn thing!"
"We're gonna die," the avatar said grimly.
TBC