The Courtship of RD Rivero
Part 8
The elevator doors opened onto a paved road between blocky white buildings. Stars glittered in the night
sky overhead. There were no sounds of movement, no animal noises, no human noises. The unit warily moved
out of the enclosure and into the street.
"I thought we were undreground. Looks like RD's plotholes are showing," Skat said.
"The plotholes are the elevators," Axelle replied. "Think about it - the compound where we came in, the
church, now this? Every scene has been on the surface, but the elevator ride gives the illusion of
vertical travel."
"Zhyan, scout the area from overhead, and report back," Chanur said crisply.
"HEY JACK! I'M IN CHARGE HERE!" Silverkat yelled. Then she turned to Zhyan and said, "Zhyan, scout the
area from overhead and report back."
"Screw you both!" Zhyan yelped. "I'll do no such thing. In case you hadn't noticed, I almost got killed
back there for admiring the scenery. If I go up, every toothy thing in this fucking scene is going to see
me!"
Fianna canted his head and said, "You'll probably get shot, not bitten. Chanur, you hear that?"
"Yep. Too much echo here, I can't pin down the direction." the Hani said, lifting his chain gun.
"I hate it when they do that," Silverkat muttered, checking the load on her rocket launcher. Beside her,
both Axelle and Zhyan unsheathed their swords. Then they all heard a series of pops, like firecrackers in
the distance, and three glowing red balls of energy raced past them and seared the wall of the building
they had left behind.
"COVER!" Chanur yelled, and dashed across the street. Everyone scattered as a series of fiery red bursts
slammed into the wall and pavement where they had been. Fianna ran after the Hani, and found him looking
carefully around the corner of the building. Then the felinoid jerked back around as a series of small
explosions tore chunks out of the wall he had been peering past.
"Pig cop in an air car," Chanur growled. "Can you pick him off?"
Fianna looked around the corner, then ducked quickly back as more of the wall was demolished. "Not at
this range. I've wasted whole stockpiles of rockets trying to take those guys down before," he said. He
looked up and down the street, then spotted a dumpster at the end of the road. He pointed and said, "We
can reach the ledge over there and get the drop on him."
Chanur glanced at the dumpster. It was located beneath a second-floor balcony, and would bring them on
the same level as the pig cop. The corner of the building would give them cover as they closed in. He
considered a moment, then frowned. "I could never get up there in the game. Too high."
Fianna grinned. "This ain't no game. C'mon," he said, and jogged to the dumpster. He stopped in front of
it, turned and stooped slightly and laced his fingers together by his knees. Chanur, guessing his
intention, trotted forward and placed one foot on the dog's hands. Then Fianna heaved upward, launching
Chanur high into the air above the dumpster.
"IT'S OOOOPEEEENN!!" Chanur screamed, then landed amid spilled Hefty bags full of stinking trash. He
fought his way to the edge and found Fianna peeking over the side, his expression one of innocent suprise.
"Whoops," the caninoid snickered.
********
At Chanur's yell, Axelle leapt into the nearest doorway, Silverkat behind her. Inside was a flight of
stairs, and the females ran up them to a small landing, where the stairs ended in a doorway. Axelle
stopped, surveying the path ahead, calculating the risks, then turned to find Skat fiddling with her
rocket launcher.
"Put that thing away!" the assassin hissed. "In these close quarters, you'll splatter us all over the
walls! Where's the shotgun Fianna gave you?"
"He took it back," Silverkat said with a shrug, slinging the rocket launcher over her shoulder and
drawing her knife.
"Why'd you let him do that? I thought you kept everything for your armory."
"He had a requisition form all filled out," Skat answered, digging out an official-looking piece of
paper from her dress pocket.
"Trust Fianna to have the paperwork handy," Axelle grumbled. "Forget it, let's just get in here and see
if we can pick up some more weapons."
They crept up the stairs and paused at the door, listening. On the other side were grunts, gurgles, and
several hissing volleys of plasma fire. Axelle opened the door with care, peering through the gap, and
saw a group of aliens gathered around a large window, firing wildly into the air. Suddenly, one screamed
and pitched over backwards, a shuriken glittering between it's eyes.
"Stay here. This is a job for a professional," Ax whispered to Skat. Ignoring the Thunderan's indignant
expression, Axelle slid into the room and moved along the rear wall unnoticed. She lifted her sword,
focused on the nearest alien's neck (finding a vital organ in ET anatomy was too chancy with these odds)
and braced herself for the blow.
Suddenly, Silverkat threw open the door, sprang into the room and yelled, "Who's up for cold cuts,
suckas?!" The aliens spun and opened fire on her, and the thunderan dove back through the doorway with a
yelp, barely escaping the barrage.
Axelle, sword upraised, stood frozen as the monsters turned towards her like a firing squad.
********
Zhyan had to admit it - this was rather fun. Certainly, it was more fun than the last bit had been.
Already he'd watched Fianna toss that uppity hani into a dumpster full of garbage. Then, coming under
fire from the window behind him, the angel had gone airborne, easily avoiding the aliens' clumsy shots
while dropping two himself with his shuriken.
Then the space monsters had been jumped from behind and distracted. Piqued at having been forgotten,
Zhyan swooped nearer the window to see what had diverted his playmates. There, he saw Axelle about to be
drilled full of plasma fire by the enemy squad.
"GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!" he screamed, whipping out his sword and rocketing into the window. He collided
with three monsters, sending them sprawling. The momentary distraction was all Axelle needed; in an
instant she slit one alien's throat and impaled a second, dropping both. Zhyan himself came up swinging,
and in a few moments the remaining aliens were bleeding their green juices onto the linoleum floor.
Silverkat charged back into the room, butcher's knife poised to strike. "I'LL SAVE YOU AX!" she screamed.
"Nice job, you scared them all to death," the assassin said. Her trademark smirk was gone, replaced by a
neutral expression that was as close to fury as her lifetime of training permitted. "And just what were
you trying to accomplish with that stunt?"
Skat realized she might have put her foot in it this time. "I was, uh, trying to distract them for you,"
she said.
"If I need your help, Silverkat, I'll pull you in front of me to take the bullet," Axelle said tersely.
Silverkat gasped in outrage. "Oh sure, little miss 'professional', but the next time you find your butt
gutted on the cathedral floor, don't come looking for ME to save you!"
"Uh, ladies, don't you think we--" Zhyan ventured tentatively.
"SHUT UP!" they both yelled at him, then went back to yelling at each other.
Zhyan's temper flared. "Hey, I just saved the both of you, if you don't mind! I think that deserves a
little respect, even if this IS a Fianna riff!"
They both turned and glared at him.
"Right, I'll just sit in the corner and mind my own business now," the archangel said, and did just that
while the women continued to argue
********
"You did that on purpose!" Chanur yelled after he pulled Fianna onto the balcony.
"I did not! I had no idea the dumpster was open!" the dog protested.
"Oh really?" Chanur growled. "And just who is supposed to be writing this little fairy tale, hmm?"
Fianna opened his mouth to say something, stopped, shrugged and said, "Okay, you got me." Then the
caninoid turned and began walking along the balcony towards the corner of the building.
"Hey! Don't walk away from me!" Chanur yelled, and took off after the dog. A few yards ahead, Fianna
broke into a run, and Chanur picked up more speed to close the gap. When the Fianna reache the corner, he
stopped and grapped something out of Chanur's view, but when the dog turned, he was holding a rifle
barrel, and dangling from it, a red-suited alien.
Chanur stopped while Fianna dispensed with the gun, took the alien by the shirt and snarled,
"Good-night, Gracie." He swung a powerful green fist, but the alien vanished before the blow connected.
Off balance, Fianna staggered back two steps, then fell flat on his back on the balcony.
"Damn, finally something goes my way!" Chanur laughed, then realized the caninoid was pointing a shotgun
at him from the ground. Chanur screamed and ducked an instant before Fianna pulled the trigger.
********
Startled by the shotgun blast, the three people in the room across the street looked across to the
balcony.
"Can you believe that idiot dog? He missed Chanur, even at that range," Zhyan said critically.
"He was aiming at the alien," Axelle said. "At least, I think he was. In this game, they appear behind
you when they teleport."
"Uh, guys, you wanna move a little to the right? You're blocking my line of fire," Silverkat said,
shouldering her rocket launcher.
********
"You idiot! You almost killed me!"
"I was aiming at the alien," Fianna said mildly, then he caught Chanur's expression. "Honest! Those
things always appear behind you when they teleport. Haven't you played this game before?"
The dog paused when he saw Chanur's eyes widen. He spun around and found himself staring at the business
end of a pig cop air-car turret. The snorting mass of pork in the pilot chair sneered at them both from
tiny red eyes set deep in it's fleshy face, and reached for the trigger.
Then both the vehicle and it's pilot disappeared in a massive red fireball. Chanur was launched into the
air, slamming into the wall near where they had climbed up. An instant later, Fianna smashed into him.
Then both toppled off the balcony and into the dumpster, the lid slamming shut behind them.
In the window, Silverkat yelped, "Ohmigod, I blew them up!"
"You've got a real talent for getting people killed, don't you?" Axelle snarled. Before Skat could
protest, the assassin and archangel ran out of the room. Embarrassed and angry, Skat followed them down
the stairs and across the street to the dumpster.
Just as they reached it, the lid crashed open and a green german-shepardish head popped into view, a
banana peel resting between it's ears.
"Nice shot," Fianna grumbled.
"What is this, pick on Skat day?!" Silverkat shouted. "I saved your life! It's not like the pig cop was
going to hit you with silly-string!"
"I've had just about enough of your ineptitude," Axelle said quietly. The softer tone of voice was worse
than the yelling had been, and Silverkat felt a shudder run up her spine. "You people are slowing me
down," Axelle snapped. "You amateurs can fare as you may, but I'm going on alone."
Then Fianna hit the concrete with a thud, followed by Chanur. "Dog ass! Everywhere I go, I end up
looking at dog ass!" the Hani yelled. "I've had it! I came here with a mission to do, and getting blown
up and shot up and sat on by my own so-called team mates was NOT part of the bargain! That's IT! I'm OUT!"
"Now look, guys, we've made it this far together, and there's no question we're stronger as a unit--"
Zhyan began.
"SHUT UP!" everyone else yelled in unison.
"Fine then! Fuck the lot of you! I don't need this any more than you do! I'll rescue Spark on my own,
and the rest of you can bloody well get bent!" With that, the archangel shot into the air and speared off
westward, propelled by powerful flaps of his bat-like wings.
When the group turned their eyes from Zhyan's spectacular exit, they found Axelle simply gone, vanished
as though she had never been there.
"What about you, Nakur?" Fianna asked, and turned to find his answer as the Hani disappeared into a
nearby doorway.
"I guess it's just us Tygers, dog-face," Skat sighed.
Fianna looked askance at his boss, then closed his eyes and clapped his hand over his forhead. "I'm
getting a vision! I see me... and Silverkat... splattered all over the walls when she tried to kill a
cockroach..."
"Very funny," Skat grumbled. "Are you staying or not?"
"Yep," Fianna replied. "I have to keep myself a second banana or this whole thing will degenerate into a
Mary Sue faster than you can say 'ego trip'."
"Well, let's get moving then. Any idea where the exit is?"
********
"This is all Axelle's fault! If she had been nicer to Skat--"
"AXELLE?! Let's try to remember who almost got who killed in there, right?! The only time Ax has even
been in danger was when Silverkat put her there!"
"That damnable dog and his friggin' ego! If he'd just cut Chanur some slack--"
"If my Zhyan gets hurt for all of those others' messing around, SOMEBODY is going to get messed UP!"
********
Sitting on the sofa in his Den of Iniquity, RD Rivero squealed with glee as he watched his prospective
accomplices on the television set.
"Look at them, just look at them!" he giggled. "Who will it be first? Who will be the one to vent her
fury on the others and take her rightful place at my side in the darkness of ineffable evil? Who will
demonstrate her wrath in that most irrepairable of betrayals, slaying those they hold dear for those they
hold dearest? Who--"
"Pipe down already," Thunderwolf rumbled from RD's right. The saberlion sat cross-legged on the sofa, an
empty bowl in his lap. "I hope you're taping this. They're gonna be swinging at each other in a minute or
two."
Shark, on Thunderwolf's right, took the bowl from his lover's lap and said, "Hey dictator, it's your
turn to make the popcorn run. Less salt this time."
RD looked at the bowl as if Shark were handing him a dead racoon. "Physical labor? Me? That's what we
pay those worthless sprites for, isn't it?"
"You don't pay the sprites anything," Shark said. "You 'conscripted' them after Bast left, remember?
They're slave labor."
RD sighed, stood and shuffled out of the room, while behind him on the television, Ayanna was chasing
Spark around the bird bath.
********
In the kitchen, deep within the bowels of the Anti-Tiger Base, a collection of small, delicate,
obsidian-skinned creatures strained and groaned in the intense heat, cooking and cleaning with a will, if
little enthusiasm. To ease their burden, they sang a song adopted from another oppressed people, finding
some small solace in their slightly altered lyrics.
"Well do ya know him, or do ya not?"
"He's the doffin' master that we have got."
"Aaaar-DEE Rivero is his name"
"And for all our sorrow, he's to blame"
"Roddy-rifle-rah, roddy-rifle-ree"
"On Tuesday evenin', when he comes in"
"He'll break our hearts and bruise our skins"
"He'll yell and curse and even worse"
"Saying 'Damn you doffers, do your upper end"
"Roddy-rifle-rah, roddy-rifle-ree"
"The upper end we know how to do"
"Our hands are weary and our breaks are few."
"The upper end we will surely do"
"For Lady Bast, but not for you"
"Roddy-rifle-rah, roddy-rifle-ree"
"Oh Lady Bast, since you've gone away"
"It's for your return that we do pray"
"You've left us here with too much work"
"Serving chow for this bunch of jerks"
"Roddy-rifle-rah, roddy-rifle-ree"
"One more time!" one creature yelled, and drew a deep breath.
"Phil, if I hear one note escape your lips, I'm drowning you in the dishwater," snapped a small female
at the sink. Phil immediately let his air out in a gust and continued wiping the counter, glaring at the
female.
"Don't be so hard on him, Mary," called a male from the floor, where he struggled with a mop twice as
tall as he was. "He just longs for the old days, same as us all."
"What would you know about the old days," Mary snapped. She threw her dishcloth into the water and
leaned on the sink, trembling so hard the stool she stood on shook and rattled. "What would you know,
Brian, of the glories we lost? You were barely created before Herself went away, leaving us to this...
this..."
Suddenly Mary - tough, uncompromising Mary - burst into tears at the sink. She slumped down onto the
stool while the other sprites crowded in around her, offering encouragement and soothing words. But the
little female was inconsolable.
"What do you know of the joys we lost? We had our clean quarters, fair work, days off and breaks, even
money to spend as we wished! Lady Bast provided, and we served her with glad hearts, and never a
misfortune, not one!"
"Well, there was the time that big green nincompoop and his pals wrecked the place and stepped on
Louis," ventured Phil, but one of the sprites behind him slapped him on the back of the head, silencing
him.
"Ah, but that was a small thing, and an adventure of it's own," Mary sighed wistfully. "Would that I had
died in her service instead, even just answering the door. That was a far more glorious end than what
awaits us in the employ of this sorry lot," she said, waving her hand towards the ceiling and the
inhabitants of the upper levels. "I'm sorry to threaten you, Phil. In truth, it's not you I long to drown
in the sink. 'Tis my own self, to end this ceaseless misery," Mary finished.
None of the sprites moved or spoke, standing in silent mourning over their past happiness, and quiet
despair over the grim future they faced. Then one of them, the littlest female, Tara, turned from the
others to wipe a tear from her eye. She looked towards the door, and screamed.
********
The door to the rec room opened, and RD Rivero stomped in and handed Shark a bag of microwave popcorn
before setting back down on the sofa.
"Hey, what gives?" Shark protested over the inferior goods.
"Those worthless little sprites are 'what gives', or rather, gives not," RD complained. "When I got to
the kitchen they were gone, every one! When I find those little rodents, they're going to rue the day
they defied the Master of All Evil, RD Rivero!"
TBC