My Descent Into Madness
By Purrsia Kat



"This, I've gotta see for myself," Purrsia commented to
Servali as the pair walked down wide hospital hall.
"Me too," Servali agreed in earnest. "But I wonder why ---
you know --- why they would bring them here?"
Purrsia did her best to look bewildered, which wasn't hard
with bewilderment her natural state. "Er, well, I mean we *are* in
the nut wing of the hospital...so maybe that's the connection." She
hated lying to the serval, but she sure as hell wasn't going on this
little adventure by herself. And since most people don't readily
volunteer to put themselves in harms way, she had to tell a smidge of
a lie.
Servali merely shrugged.
They rounded a corner and ran into Dr. Zhie -- literally.
Zhie took a moment to compose herself following the
collision. "If you're here to see him, now really isn't a good time,"
she informed the duo somberly.
Servali looked puzzled. "Him? Don't tell me `chocolate are
people too'!"
Dr. Zhie appeared baffled. Glancing at Purrsia, she
asked, "Oh, are you here to drop him off?" She nodded slightly in
Servali's direction.
Purrsia knew the jig was up. "No. I kinda told him you guys
had the biggest collection on Third Earth of almond Hershey bars
here."
"And he believed that?" Dr. Zhie snorted. The cheetah
extracted the pen from her lab coat pocket and proceeded to scribble
notes onto the file she held.
"When it comes to chocolate, I'd believe just about
anything!" Servali declared.
Purrsia stood up on her toes and craned her neck to see what
Zhie was writing. She snickered upon reading: `20-something serval
with severe chocolate related psychosis. Expect to admit within the
year.'
"Don't laugh, lioness," Zhie informed her, "you've got a file
so thick it fills up an entire drawer of the filing cabinet."
"Ha!" Servali declared, triumphantly thrusting his nose into
the air.
Purrsia scowled. "Hey, I'm not crazy!"
"Well, that's what our friend ThunderWolf insisted. But we
all know that's not true," Dr. Zhie reasoned. "I assume you're here
to visit him?"
Purrsia nodded.
Servali squinted at the vending machine down the hall. "Does
that vending machine have any chocolate in it? I swear every one I've
seen here so far is full of nothing but chips and payday bars."
"Uh, sorry," Zhie replied with a shrug. To Purrsia, the
cheetah asked, "Is chocolate *all* he thinks about?"
"Apparently. But, I for one, am concerned about poor
ThunderWolf," Purrsia stated with convincing enough sincerity.
Zhie raised a brow.
Purrsia pressed on. "Have you determined a cause for his
apparent, uh, psychotic break?"
"I'm not really supposed to discuss that kind of thing with
you -- no offense," Zhie explained. "Doctor/patient confidentiality
has really killed the gossip in me. All I can say is, whatever you
do, DO NOT mention Lion-O around him."
"Wow, she's actually going to let us see him," Servali mused
in wonder.
Zhie glanced at her watch. "Well, Sharky won't be coming by
for anther 10 minutes or so for a visit. I don't think the two of you
can do much more damage in that short of time."
"We'll do our best," Servali beamed.
Purrsia slapped him playfully on the arm. "What he means,
Zhie, is we'll do our best not to upset poor ThunderWolf."
"Whatever. He's down the hall to the right, in ward nine."
Zhie pointed them in the right direction.

Purrsia tentatively poked her head around the thick steel
door. She quickly spied Thunderwolf, straight-jacketed and sitting on
the only chair available in the stark white, cinderblock room. A
single, barred window served as the only light source.
Purrsia cautiously stepped inside, turning briefly to wave at
Servali to follow. ThunderWolf's back was to the door and when
Purrsia finally neared him, the lion's glassy, bloodshot eyes stared
blankly out the window.
"Uh, TW?" Purrsia asked in a small voice.
Though ThunderWolf blinked, no light of recognition flashed
in his eyes.
"Wow, he's certifiable all right," Servali said
bluntly. "Wild to think that something having to do with Lion-O
caused this...."
At the mention of ThunderWolf's much reviled cousin, he
slowly shifted his gaze to the pair and glared at them. A low growl
from ThunderWolf made the fur on the back of Purrsia's neck stand on
end. "Servali!" she hissed in a whisper. "Zhie told us not to mention
*him*."
Servali shrugged. "I forgot."
Purrsia tried to change the subject. "Hey, that's a cool
outfit. You look like a giant white pretzel...I bet that's actually
kinda comfortable, huh? We should all go crazy just for the neat free
clothes!"
"I'm going to kill Lion-O," ThunderWolf said in a slow,
deliberate way.
Servali laughed nervously. "Bet they give you great drugs
here. But I think you need some more....Nurse!"
ThunderWolf roared thunderously, causing Purrsia and Servali
to jump. "I'm going to kill him! I'm going to kill him! I'm going to
kill him!"
Purrsia was taken aback. "Now, now, TW....you can't mean
that. I mean, Lion-O's your cousin, after all. Not only that, but
he's sooooo totally hot and luscious--"
Thunderwolf stood on his feet, twisting about furiously
within his straight-jacket.
Servali's eyes widened as he backed away. He tugged on
Purrsia's arm. "I think that maybe you shouldn't have said that."
"Well, I'm not just gonna stand by while this psycho insults
Lion-O!" Purrsia exclaimed. "I must defend his honor, not to mention
those muscles I'd love to--"
The sound of ripping cloth stopped Purrsia's hormonal tirade
in mid-sentence. ThunderWolf had freed himself from the jacket, and
stood there heaving with rage.
Purrsia and Servali clasped each other by the arms, too
petrified to move until ThunderWolf lunged at them.
"ThunderWolf is on the move!" Servali howled.
"ThunderWolf is loose!" Purrsia cried, as she turned and
bolted with Servali for the door.
The duo exited just in time to slam the door, leaving
ThunderWolf scratching to be let out. The two paused for a moment
outside the door, trying to come to grips with their near death
experience.
Servali looked down the hall only to see Shark striding their
way. The fish didn't look very happy. "Aw, great. Here comes Shark."
Purrsia rolled her eyes. "All we need is that overgrown
Charlie-the-Tuna going all indignant on us." Purrsia happened to look
down the other end of the hall to see Zhie heading their way as
well. "Crap, here comes Zhie! Where's Chibi Lion-O when you need him?"
Servali sighed. "We're about to be a part of a very ugly
scene...thanks for inviting me."
"No problem," Purrsia replied flatly.
"What have you done to ThunderWolf?" Shark yelled, though it
was unclear whether he was shouting to be heard above the din of
ThunderWolf's rapping on the ward door or just because, well, he was
pissed.
Servali held his hands up defensively. "Hey, I just heard
there was chocolate--"
Purrsia winced as Shark proceeded to slap Servali
repeatedly. Shark's fins against Servali's cheeks made quite a sharp
sound, nearly drowning out all the ruckus ThunderWolf was making.
"Is that you, love?" came ThunderWolf's muffled query.
Apparently, the sound of fin slapping flesh was quite familiar to the
lion.
Shark flung himself melodramatically against the door. "Yes!
I've come to shelter you from these crazy fools we thought were our
friends!"
"Crazy?" Servali said in amazement, while rubbing his bruised
cheeks. "No offense, gill-breath, but it's your boyfriend who's in
the psycho ward."
Zhie, meanwhile, was standing by and rubbing her temples in
apparent frustration. "The two of you just had to rile him up, didn't
you?"
Servali scoffed. "*She* did all the riling!" He pointed an
accusing finger at the lioness. Taking on a mocking tone, he
continued, " `He's sooooooooooo hot, oh, what I'd love to do to Lion-
O's muscles and blah blah blah!'"
"Hey, you brought Lion-O up in the first place. After that, I
*had* to defend Lion-O from TW's unfounded hatred. I mean, what's
*not* to love about Lion-O?" Purrsia looked to everyone as if the
answer were obvious. "He's sexy, he's smart....er, well, he's sexy
anyway!"
While Purrsia was yapping, Shark was trying to turn the
doorknob with his fin. Luckily, the sleek grey appendage kept
slipping off. "Wh--what are you doing, Shark?" Servali stammered.
"What does it look like? I'm getting ThunderWolf out of here.
This place is bad for his health."
At this point, Zhie began to look extremely worried. "Shark,
I wouldn't recommend letting ThunderWolf out for our own safety. At
least, not until he's been heavily sedated....hmmm, and maybe a shock
treatment or three."
Shark cocked his fishy head to one side. "Shock treatment?"
he asked with intrigue.
Zhie tried to wedge herself between Shark and the
door. "Yeah. I mean, it's pretty much junk science but it gives us
something to do. Now, step away from the door please, Shark."
Shark stuck the point of his fin in Zhie's face. "Listen,
kitty. I count to three and you turn this door knob for me.
Otherwise, I open my mouth real wide-like --" he opened his jaw to
reveal two wide double rows of sharp teeth, "and chomp your head off."
Zhie shifted her weight from foot to foot nervously. "You
really should consider making an appointment with me about your
homicidal tendencies..." She trailed off, as Shark's warning glare
lit the proverbial fire under her. As Zhie went for the doorknob,
ThunderWolf could be heard laughing on the other side of the door.
"Holy crap, she's gonna open it!" Purrsia yelled, declaring
the obvious.
Servali had already started sprinting down the hall.
"Hey, wait for me, Servali!" Purrsia dashed off, fear etched
upon her face. "We have to warn Lion-O! Yes, I'll convince him to
hide out someplace where ThunderWolf will never find him!" Purrsia
had a self-serving idea of where that would be....

TO BE CONTINUED...


****************************

springfield's looking pretty dusty today
I see their dreams coming undone
the view from inside ward nine affords this much
a town teeming with the unloved
close the window and lock it so it's good and tight

la la la la la la la la
la la la la la

turning eighteen and trying not to look too lost
have a not so nice day
the jacket makes me straight so I can just sit back and bake
you know I think I'm gonna stay
talking very loud but no one hears a word I say

la la la la la la la la
la la la la la
la la la la la la la la
la la la la la

come visit me tonight at eight o'clock and then you'll see how I
am not the crazy one
voices tell me I'm the shit
twenty days go by and every day looks the same

la la la la la la la la
la la la la la
la la la la la la la la
la la la la la
I'm the shit


--"My Descent Into Madness", the Eels