Part Three
The yellow cur trooped along the path towards home, it's captive draped over it's shoulder. With a single-mindedness born of either intense focus or an inability to do two things at once, it looked neither left nor right, but went straight to the massive steel door, which swung inward to admit it. The golden retriever passed within, paying no heed to the scrape of the door closing behind it.
"Excuse, is there a ladies' sleeproom here?"
The cur turned, and as it did, a sharp obsidian knife rammed into it's stomach. The creature reeled, yelping in suprise and pain. Leaping past Spark, Thunderwolf swung his mace in a powerful arc, putting the dog out of it's misery while decorating the wall with it's brains.
Spark ran to the prone figure the caninoid had dropped, kneeled beside him and slapped his face repeatedly to bring him around. "Kam, Kam, you are not permissioned to be dead! Wake up!"
Kamanchee groaned and put up a hand to ward off the blows. Thunderwolf walked up beside them and and grinned.
"I'll be damned," he said. "We've rescued Adam Ant."
"I am NOT Adam Ant!" Kam snapped as his prescense of mind returned. "Where am I, what happened?!"
"Well it's about time you guys showed up," they heard. The three looked around, then spotted an air duct grating near the ceiling with something moving behind it. Thunderwolf reached up and pulled the grate loose. Behind it was a snarf.
"Hi Thunderwolf!" Fluffy chirped. "Did you bring me any grapes?" She laughed at the insane lion's scowl, then said, "We better get you to safety, there are alot of those dogs around here."
With that, Fluffy produced a remote control device and pressed a button. Beside the duct, a section of wall separated at an invisible seam and slid inward, revealing a passage. Fluffy jumped from her duct into Thunderwolf's arms and pointed to the door.
"Welcome to the Anti-Cur Resistance!" Fluffy purred.
"Where is Fuzzball?" Thunderwolf asked.
"Headed up the trail to greet the Team Tiger contigent," Fluffy said. "We're all gonna meet back here when they arrive."
"Here" was a secret bunker constructed by the snarf technical genius. It was spare and functional, except for a Buddah-like shrine dedicated to Charlton Heston in one corner. The whole place smelled like a firing range.
Fluffy hopped down and scampered into the kitchen, returning with a spray-can of air freshener. In moments the sweet smell of candy fruit masked most of the odor of sulfur and saltpeter. The snarf hostess than retrieved a plate of cookies and and several tumblers of milk, offering the refreshments to the weary adventurers.
"Thanks," Thunderwolf said, taking a glass. "Now can you tell us what the hell is going on here?"
********
"Ah, you awaken. Excellent. For a time, I'd feared the test would have to proceed without you.""
RD Rivero opened his eyes sat up. He was bound and locked in a cage on the floor of his lab. Beside him slumped Lucifer Daimou. Lady Thundera was nowhere to be seen.
"Who's there?!" Rivero yelled. "Where is Lady Thundera?! Show yourself, you bastard!"
"Such language, hardly what I'd expect from the Master of All Evil. As to your first question, I expect you already know the answer to that. As to your beloved Mistress of All Evil in Denial, she is to serve a purpose here."
Lights came on overhead. The speaker remained unseen, but now there appeared a large black box, roughly shaped like a phone booth, with a red light attached to the top. The box had a single door facing the cage.
"A test, or perhaps demonstration of my new abilities, Father," the voice came. "This, like your Inifinite Improbability Generator, is a relic from Douglas Adams' continuity. Fashioned by an artist to demonstrate to his wife her own genuine place in the universe, it is reknowned as a method of execution the galaxy over. It seemed fitting that Lady Thundera should serve as it's first test in this continuity."
Lady Thundera appeared then, dragged between two pit bulls. The dogs were larger and stronger than she, but even so the self-proclaimed "Goddess of All that is Good"’s struggling and swearing nearly halted the curs more than once. Ultimately though, they reached the hatch and opened it, throwing the protesting female inside. They slammed the door shut and a moment later the red strobe began to flash.
"What are you doing to her?!" Rivero cried.
"The human psyche is a fascinating thing. All of you must believe, at some level, that the world revolves around yourselves. It is this misguided notion that makes your meaningless, insignificant lives tolerable."
"This remarkable device allows the human mind to comprehend, for the briefest of instants, the whole of creation, all the awesome panoramic splendor of the universe. It then focuses in on a miniscule patch to that creation, then to a neglible galaxy, a pitiful speck of a planet, and at last to a tiny red dot labeled 'you are here', thereby demonstrating to the subject their true position and status in the universe."
"This is, of course, a fatal blow to the ego. Observe."
The door to the device opened. Lady Thundera flopped out onto the floor, her hair stark white, eyes fixed and staring. As she lay, a puddle of drool began to form around her face.
"YOU MONSTER!!!" Rivero raged. "GOD DAMN YOU TO HELL, YOU FIEND!"
"Now now, Father," came the voice as it's speaker walked into view. It was a caninoid, tall and strong, clad in chainmail and purple breeches. It's green fur glistened in the light, it's mane flowed freely behind.
"...fianna...," Rivero said weakly.
But when the creature looked up at the cage, the eyes were not Fianna's gold, but tiny, hard avian things, eyes flush with bitterness and fury.
The Puritan's eyes.
"Is that any way to talk to your son?"
********
Team Tiger walked through the woods towards the Anti-Tiger Base. Thundera Tiger walked on the left side of the road, Axelle the right. Fianna took the center, ready to back up either of his teammates in the event of an attack.
"You're sure Kahn's gonna be alright?" TT called to Axelle.
"He won't be singing any duets with Christina Aguilara for a few weeks," the assasin grinned. "But he'll be fine."
They walked a little further when they saw the brush ahead rustle. Instantly the veteran fighters came to a halt. Thundera Tiger dropped into a crouch and Axelle pulled a stilletto dagger out of her jacket lining. Fianna reached behind his back, and when his hand came forward there was a massive battle axe in it. The weapon had a three-foot handle and a double-edged head eighteen inches across. The whole thing weighed a solid hundred pounds, yet the caninoid held it as easily as Axelle did her dagger.
The brush rattled again and was still. The warriors remained tensed, ready.
An immense form tore out fof the trees on the right and lunged at Axelle. The nimble assassin's cat-like reflexes saved her as she dove forward into a one-handed flip, reversing the movement to land facing her attacker.
It was a Saint Bernard caninoid, towering at ten feet tall and weigh almost half a ton. The monster let loose a bark that rattled the leaves from nearby trees and shook the ground beneath Team Tiger's feet.
"Shit, it's Cujo!" Fianna yelled. The huge dog oriented on the author and charged towards him. Fianna knew better then to try to withstand the rush; he ducked low and spun, throwing his leg in the creature's path. The monster tripped and pitched forward, landing on it's face.
Thundera Tiger pounced on the dog, digging her claws into it's thick fur, trying to get her fangs into it's neck. The monster roared as it clambered back to it's feet. Tiger tried to jump free but found herself snarled in the dog's matted coat. Fianna had his axe up, looking for a place to strike, but the Saint Bernard spun as it thrashed, trying to reach the tiger on it's back. Axelle had switched her dagger to her left hand and was fishing frantically in her pockets.
Then the monster snagged TT by the foreleg and dragged the tigress from it's back. TT cried out in sudden terror as the shaggy beast raised her fifteen feet into the air and prepared to drive her body into the ground.
Fianna swung his axe back for a desparate charge, then an ear-piercing, mind-shattering pain exploded between the caninoid's ears, making him cry out in agony and drop to his knees, hands clutching his head.
The Saint Bernard reacted identically, releasing Thundera Tiger in the process. The monster dog wailed in pain, falling onto it's back and rolling side to side in the dirt as the tigress sprang away to safety.
Axelle stalked carefully to the red dog, stilletto raised to strike. Suddenly the cur lashed out, it's tree-like arm connecting, sending the assassin flying. She landed hard on the road, stunned, a small silver object flying from her lips and into the brush. The crippling screech that had disabled both caninoids vanished as the trinket did.
Axe sat up to find the slavering beast rearing over her, it's massive paws raised high to deliver a crushing blow.
Suddenly the air was filled with the roar of gunfire. The Saint Bernard staggered backwards as dozens of bullets slammed into it's body, each eliciting a geyser of blood as it drove home. Then the barrage stopped, and the monster issued a final, mournful howl and toppled to the ground unmoving.
From the patch of brush ahead of them, a moving pile of weaponry emerged. It slid to the center of the road, dropping the occasional gat, ammo clip or hand grenade, before it stopped completely. Then it vibrated and munitions fell from it like water from a shaking dog, revealing a crazed-looking snarf. Fuzzball laughed uproariously and shook his head.
"So you losers are here to rescue us, huh?" he chirped.
"Ugh," Fianna moaned as he recovered his senses. "Even my teeth hurt. What the hell was that?"
"A dog whistle," Axelle said merrily, retrieving the trinket from the brush where it had fallen. She held it up so everyone could see it. "Good thing I brought it along since Fuzzy was a little slow on th dr--"
She was interrupted by a single gunshot, and left holding half of her dog whistle. Fuzzy holstered his Browning and snarled, "Slow my ass. Snarfs can hear those things, too. You about fried my brain with that piece of shit."
Axelle smiled and stuck her tounge out at Fuzzball, but the snarf paid her no mind. "Let's move, people!" Fuzzy barked. "We gotta get you back to the ATB before anything else shows up. I only have so many bullets you know!"
TBC