Robin Hood: Cats in Tights
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"That was disturbing."
Thunderwolf nodded absently.
"That was really disturbing."
TW nodded yet again.
"Are you listening?"
More nods.
Shark frowned and folded his arms against his smooth chest. "I replaced
your
favorite mace with a magic wand stolen from the Glenda, the good witch of
the north."
The lion's head bobbed on cue.
The icthyoid rolled his eyes and stepped directly in front of his lover.
"Hello? Anyone home today?"
TW blinked. "What?"
"Never mind," Shark sighed. "What are you so interested in?"
"Sher Kahn. That was disturbing." He watched with open curiosity as
Shark
slapped himself in the face. "Something wrong?"
"Nothing," Shark grumbled. "So any thoughts as to what
happened?"
"Mushrooms?"
"Any good thoughts?"
"Rabies?"
"Any plausible thoughts?"
Thunderwolf grimaced and shook his head. "Nope. Sorry. No good, plausible
thoughts as to what happened."
"So now what do we do?"
"I guess we wait. She said not to move until she came back with news,"
TW
said quietly. A low growl rumbled in his barrel-like chest. "I hate
waiting."
"So do I," Shark grumbled. "Besides which, I'm hungry. Where'd
Zhie go?"
"Do you think we'd really be allowed to get away with eating other
characters in this fic?" Thunderwolf asked.
"Why not? We've gotten away with a whole lot more."
"Actually, we haven't. Others might have, but we..." TW trailed off
and
lifted his face. "Do you smell that?"
"I have a better sense of smell underwater," Shark confessed.
"Why? What is
it?"
"It smells like...it smells like rotting flesh. And it's getting
stronger."
Shark shuddered. "I prefer my meat fresh. Tell you what. I'll go looking
for
dinner and you can deal with--whoa!"
Four feet away from the icthyoid and lion, the ground erupted in a volcano
of rocks and dirt. A great roar echoed from the depths of the earth, and a
bloody hand shot out. Thunderwolf moved into a battle-ready stance, and
Shark began warming his jaw muscles, preparing for action. Before long, a
walking corpse had emerged from the ground, holding the limp form of a large
siberian tiger. Following this anamoly came a familiar figure clothed in
black.
"Now I'm confused," was Shark's announcement.
"You're not the only one," TW told him. He turned his attention to the
cloaked person. "When you came to me and told me about the mushrooms and
Fianna, you didn't say anything about the undead."
"Imhotep does my bidding. My bidding and my master's bidding," the
shadowy
figure replied. "I have come to tell you that you may move forward with the
plans. Report to RD. He will arrange the circumstances that will draw them
out of hiding. You must be certain, though, that the only ones affected are
Fianna and Tygra. The rest are to be subject to my master's wrath."
"And what about us?" Shark demanded.
"The two of you and the spy in Tiger's group will go free if you fulfill
your duties well."
Thunderwolf wasn't certain he liked the sound of that, but he saw no need to
force the issue now. There would be time for that later. "So what's with
the
pussy cat?" he asked, nodding toward the seemingly lifeless body of Sher
Kahn. "How is he involved?"
"He was selected because of his physical prowess, his strength, and his
instincts. The quadrupeds in the fanfic world are too closely tied to the
feral instincts of their chosen hosts. Using these primitive impulses rooted
in their hosts brains, we can force the quadrupeds to bite in reflex over
and over again, even though they fight against us. We could not use the same
techniques with the humans or humanoids. Even Fianna's form lacks sufficient
wild instincts."
"In other words, he's too much like a real tiger and falls back on his
instincts too easily," Shark summarized. He grinned. "What was TT
saying a
while ago about the superiority of quadrupeds?"
Imhotep rumbled something in a strange tongue and glanced at the hole he'd
made in coming to the surface.
"We must be off. I am summoned." The assassin turned and moved toward
the
entrance to Imhotep's tunnel. "Remember. The mushrooms must take out both
Tygra and Fianna. If you fail in this, you will fall with the rest of the
authors." And with that, she leaped down. Imhotep followed quickly and the
hole closed up behind them, leaving no trace of their passage.
"I'll say this for Axelle," Shark murmured. "She knows how to
make an exit."
* * * *
"Was simply humiliating that!" LD screamed, stomping around RD's
torture
chamber that was now serving as an emergency conference center.
"Is it a sign of madness if you understand him when he does that?"
Benni
asked nervously.
"If it is, we're in trouble," Spark said.
"Okay, everyone settle down," RD ordered sternly, glaring at LD who
eventually slumped down on an iron maiden. "Thank you. First of all, I want
a report on the mummy. Where is he and why didn't he help the Grunes?"
"Because I still can't control him," Spark sighed. "Like I said,
if Tatiana
was here, maybe something could happen. But she's not. And before you ask,
no. I don't know why he won't respond to our summons even though he was
brought into this fic under our control. It makes no sense and I just can't
see TT changing story parameters at will like that."
"You obviously missed Thunderballs," RD murmured.
"But for no other reason than to annoy us?" Spark pressed.
"I wouldn't put anything past that Tygra lover," Benni stated.
"Tiger Lady!" LD cheered. The others stared at him. "What?"
"Three rings for the elven kings, under the sky. Seven for the dwarf lords,
in their halls of stone. Nine for mortal men, doomed to die. One for the
dark lord on his dark throne, in the land of Mordor, where the shadows
lie."
RD, ??i ?, Spark, and LD all turned in confusion to a small, barred window.
Dr. Zhie sat happily in the moonlight, fingering a battered looking
mandolin.
"What was that?" Spark finally asked.
"Since TT lost control of this story, I thought I'd make her feel better by
plugging Tolkien's 'The Lord of the Rings.' What can I say? I'm a softie at
heart."
"Um, thanks," RD said. "Now, what exactly are you doing
here?"
"Oh, hints and riddles are my game. I sing them once, and they are lame. I
sing again. they stay the same. And finally, they grow in fame."
"Meaning?"
Zhie sighed. "That was my introduction. Do you people really not understand
the role of a mythical minstrel who seems to be omnipresent and
omniscient?"
"So going on know you what's!" LD exclaimed excitedly. He was met by a
series of blank looks. "So you know what's going on!" he amended,
still
excitedly.
"I know, I know. But can I tell? For good or ill, it won't be well,"
Zhie
sang.
"Just quit the mythical minstrel bit and tell us what's going on!" RD
shouted.
"Search for the robed one, search for him soon. Of him much is written, and
of him..." Zhie stopped and blinked. "I know I had a rhyme for that a
minute
ago."
"You sound like a loon," Benni finished.
Zhie glared at the white tiger. "The works of a minstrel are never
appreciated."
"Especially if that minstrel likes to be difficult," RD said with a
meaningful look at some rather painful instruments of torture.
Zhie growled something demeaning under her breath, stalked toward the door,
and left the room.
"Did that help us any?" Spark wondered.
"No," RD sighed. "But we've probably spent enough time up here
for the
slaves to have cleaned up all the naked Grunes. Let's get something to eat.
I think better on a full stomach. And maybe after that, we can figure out
what's going on."
"Maybe," Spark sighed. "But I have a feeling that..." She
stopped and shook
her head.
"You have a feeling that what?" Benni prompted.
"I have a feeling that we'd better figure out what's happening and
fast,"
Spark finished. "Don't ask me why. I can't explain it. But something big is
in the works. Something beyond our control, TT's control, anyone's control.
And if we don't stop it, this world is going to come crashing down around us
like Jaga destroying Thundera."
The others all stared at her. Eventually, RD cleared his throat. "Like I
said, we all think better on a full stomach."
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TBC