Robin Hood: Cats in Tights
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TygrisHawk's ears perked up and she stiffened. Ahead of her, Chanur felt the
pause and looked back. "Something wrong?"

"I thought I heard...but no. That wouldn't make sense."

"What wouldn't make sense?"

"Nothing." The tiger shook her head and moved forward. "Just developing an
overactive imagination. I guess fics will do that to you."

"Hmmm. Haven't noticed it myself," Chanur mused. "Wait. A fic? We're in a
fic?"

"We are?" Tygris sat back on her haunches and considered this idea. "I guess
that makes sense. It would explain a lot. What tipped you off."

"You just said we were in a fic," Chanur pointed out.

"No I didn't. I said I had an overactive imagination."

"Because of a fic."

TygrisHawk blinked. "I guess I did, didn't I? Weird. I don't think I meant
to say that. I mean, I don't know that we're in somebody's story. Do I? Or
maybe I do."

Chanur rubbed his brow and sighed. "Maybe...okay, how about this? Maybe it's
all about the subconscious. Maybe if we just relax and let anything we want
to say come out, we'll learn something meaningful."

"It's worth a try," Tygris conceded. "Okay. I'm hungry, you're giving off
odors that are making my nose curl, I'd really like to stop and mark
territory but you keep moving too fast, I don't think you know where you're
going, you look really weird, nature has been urgently calling me for the
last two hours--"

"I don't think it's working," Chanur growled with a flash of anger in his
eyes.

"But I wasn't finished!" Tygris protested.

"You have no idea how close you were coming to being finished," Chanur
warned, turning away and resuming his march. "Now come on. We still have to
get dinner."

* * * * *

With a frustrated sigh, Spark put down her ancient spell book and glared at
the surrounding room. If only Tatiana hadn't disappeared with LT. She had
more of a handle on this whole Imhotep thing. And the princess had a
suspicion that Imhotep was part of something big. Something really big. The
problem was, though, that Imhotep hadn't responded to any summons or any
commands. The mummy was still conspicuously absent.

"And absent was the dead. His color, it was red. Things he could have said.
His real name was not Ed."

Spark looked up in surprise, expecting to see LD prance through the door.
But the singer of this nonsensical rhyme was not the regent of insanity. No,
it was a well-respected cheetah physician.

"Zhie?"

Dr. Zhie simled and pulled out a guitar. "The minstrel is my role. I play it
and yell 'Ho'."

"That doesn't rhyme."

Zhie broke character for a moment and glared at the Aztec. "It's not
supposed to. It's called assonance."

"Oh."

Still glaring but resuming character, Zhie continued. "A mystery you see.
The answer won't come free. But for a little fee, I'll sing and laugh
tee-hee."

"Tee-hee?"

"Everyone's a critic," Zhie snapped. "Look, if you don't want my help, then
just--"

"No, no. Sorry, I just...I'm not sure what to do with a minstrel. But if you
can really help, then..yeah. Sorry. The tee-hee part threw me."

Zhie cleared her throat and strummed a few more chords. "The answer won't
come free. But for a little fee, I'll sing and laugh tee-hee," she repeated.

"Oh, right. Fee. Um, how much?"

"Oh how much can one charge for sanity? Oh how much can one charge for a
mind? To save one is truly priceless. To lose one is truly..." The cheetah
trailed off and frowned. "To lose one is truly..."

"To lose one makes you blind?" Spark suggested.

"To lose one makes you blind," Zhie finished with a flourish, ending on
several power chords.

"Okay, that told me nothing," Spark sighed. "What if...do you want control
of Imhotep if I ever get him back? That's kind of priceless. I mean, you
can't buy control over the walking dead but if I get him back I can transfer
control. So that's priceless. Right?"

Zhie grinned and began strumming once more. "I have a secret that must be
shared. I have a secret which you must hear. Look in the archives, oh Aztec.
Look for and see what you fear." With that, a few more chords, and a rather
bizarre dance number, Zhie left the dark underground chamber.

"Good help is so hard to find these days," Spark sighed.

* * * * *

"Look. This is what I'm talking about. See this circle? This is a mushroom
ring."

"So where are the pixies?"

"The moon's not up yet! They only dance under the moon, and with some
pixies, it has to be a full moon. Just where did you people go to school?"

Fianna regarded Peachyra and Kam with a mixture of confusion and amusement.
"How long has this been going on?"

Thundera Tiger looked up and sighed. "The mushrooms or the arguments?"

"Both."

"The mushroom debate started just before we ran into you. Personally, I
think they're both high on said mushrooms. The arguments have been going as
long as I've been with them."

"Ah." The green dog nodded sagely. A rumbling sound caught his attention and
he grinned at the tiger. "A little hungry? I'm surprised that didn't wake
Tygra."

TT grimaced and glanced at the Thundercat who lay pillowed on her side.
"Yeah, I haven't eaten since yesterday. Speaking of which, shouldn't Ayanna
be back by now?"

"I could have told you that sending that cheetah off to do the hunting was a
stupid idea," Lion-O piped up behind the tiger. "And I'm just a character.
But no, don't listen to me. Why would I know anything? After all, I'm only
Lord of the Thundercats. Ruler of the Cat's Lair."

"But there isn't a Cat's Lair," Lynx-O protested. Lion-O glared
threateningly and stomped into the underbrush.

"I hate it when people do that," Thundera Tiger growled. "The underbrush is
my domain. I'm willing to share it with Kahn and Tygris. We're all tigers.
But Thundercats? Cheetahs? What do they need underbrush for? It's not like
they need it to stalk prey."

"NO! You can't sleep in it!"

Kam's wild shouts attracted the other's attention and they looked his
direction to see what was happening. Even Tygra roused slightly in response
to Tiger's discreet movements.

"All I'm trying to do is prove that this whole idea of mushroom rings is
stupid," Peachyra explained, settling down inside the ring and preparing to
go to sleep.

"Could this be dangerous?" Fianna whispered to Tiger. "Not that I care, but
for the sake of curiosity, could we lose Peachyra this way?"

"How should I know? The mushroom rings were Kam's idea."

Fianna frowned. "But isn't this your story?"

"I've been meaning to talk to you about that," the tiger sighed. "See, I
can't--"

"To help. To help. She's been spotted, don't waste time. To help. To help.
Someone's life is on the line."

In complete astonishment, the remnant of Team Tiger watched as Zhie danced
her way into their circle.

"That didn't rhyme," Lion-O pointed out from the underbrush.

Zhie threw down her guitar and glared at the assembled authors and
characters. "IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO RHYME. IT'S CALLED ASSONANCE!!!"

"Didn't minstrels in medieval England have lutes or mandolins?" Fianna
wondered. "What's with the guitar?"

"That's it! You criticize my song, my instrument, next you'll say my costume
is stupid."

"But you're wearing your doctor's lab coat," Kamanchee said. "Which is kind
of stupid for the part, I guess, but..."

"This from the mushroom ring fanatic," Zhie growled. Picking her guitar back
up, she looked his way and started playing. "Oh Adam Ant was Kam's real
name. And being stupid was his game. When he came round to hear me sass, I
kicked him squarely in the--"

"Okay, that's enough," Tiger broke in sternly. "Zhie, are you serving a
purpose in this story or are you just here to annoy us?"

"I WAS trying to help, but since you have to take the absolute value of your
cumulative IQ just to make it a positive number, I sense that my input is
completely useless."

"What about your first song?" Fianna asked. "You said someone's life was on
the line. Who were you talking about?"

"About whom were you talking," Peachyra corrected. She blinked at the dirty
looks that she quickly received. "What? If Zhie can go off on the principle
of assonance, I can at least talk about objective and subjective case."

Fianna sighed and turned back to Zhie. "About whom were you talking?" he
growled with a sidelong look at Peachyra.

"You're on your own for that one," Zhie said haughtily. "I'm a minstrel. I'm
supposed to be cryptic. And now, if you'll excuse me..." She shouldered her
guitar and pranced out of their confused circle.

"Good help is really hard to find these days," Lion-O murmured.

"I'm hungry," Tygra mumbled. "Do you have anything to eat, TT?"

Thundera Tiger stiffened. "Ayanna. That must be it. The clue was spotted.
And someone's found her. Come on, we have to help."

"How?" Peachyra asked from the mushroom ring. "It's dark. Can you track in
the dark?"

"I can't, but I bet Fianna can," Tiger answered with a glance at the
nincompoop.

"Excuse me?"

"That's right, he's a dog," Kamanchee realized. "He has a nose. And Ayanna
has a scent."

"I am not a bloodhound," Fianna stated indignantly.

"Just this once?" Tiger begged. "Come on, my nose isn't that good. It's far
better than human noses, but it's nothing compared to a canine's sense of
smell. Think of it as using a superior skill. You'll be helping all of us.
You'll be thwarting the people who turned Kahn against us. Please?"

Fianna threw his hands up in the air in disgust. "Fine!" he growled. "Fine.
I'll track Ayanna for you. But if you ever use me for something like this
again..."

"Okay, let's get moving," Tiger said, getting up and helping Tygra to his
feet.

Grumbling and snarling beneath his breath, Fianna moved to the underbrush
where Ayanna had disappeared an hour ago. Eventually finding her scent, he
began to move forward, stopping often and occaisionally doubling back.

The others watched silently, knowing that this use of his character was new
and would take a period of adjustment. Consequently, no longer distracted by
constant mushroom conversation, Tiger had a chance to search for their
mysterious traveling companion. But the feeing of being followed was gone.
Whoever had been watching them was no longer there. But Thundera Tiger
sensed that this was only a temporary condition. With a growl, she continued
to follow Fianna and desperately searched her mind for some kind of
explanation. What had happened to her story?
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TBC

Robin Hood 8