Part 2
The door to the office swung open and the Spotface mob came inside. Kahn entered first, and behind him came Fianna. A leather-clad human was draped over the dog's shoulder, swearing profusely.
"Who the hell do you think you are?! I demand to be set down this instant!" Kamanchee yelled.
"Put him down Fianna," Spotface said from behind her desk. The dog grinned and flopped the Brit onto the ground with a thud.
Kamanchee opened his mouth to complain further, then caught sight of Ayanna. The cheetah was clad in a gray suit coat, a gray fedora and a red power tie.
"Oh, now this is too rich," the Englishman chortled. "What's this about? I promised Columbia House I'd pay for those tapes..."
"You know what it's about," Spotface hissed. "You and your Cake Cartel are muscleing in on our territory!"
"Cake?" Kam said nervously. "I don't know what you're talking about. I'm just a simple pastry chef-"
"Yeah, and I'm into herbal medicine," Kahn snorted.
"That was pretty funny Kahn," Spotface grinned. "Why aren't you laughing Kam? Fianna, see if you can help our friend find his sense of humor."
Kam tried to bolt, but the caninoid caught him before he got two steps. The massive green warrior turned the Brit upside-down, dangling him one-handed by his right foot. With his free hand, Fianna pried Kamanchee's boot off, exposing the sock-clad foot beneath.
"Gootchie-gootchie," Fianna snickered.
"No! NO! Anything but THAT! NOOOO!!" Kam wailed as the dog began to tickle his foot mercilessly.
The Spotface mob roared with laughter as the Englishman wailed and thrashed and screamed helplessly. After a full minute of tickling, Fianna stopped and looked at Ayanna.
"Think he's learned his lesson Spotface?" the caninoid asked.
"I dunno. Let's ask him," the cheetah replied. "Learned your lesson yet, Ant? Or do I let my dog keep going?"
"I give up...please...no more...just tell me what you want..." the Englishman wheezed.
At Spotface's nod, Fianna dropped the Brit on his head. Kam yelped as he hit the ground, then slowly sat up.
"Here's the deal," Spotface snarled. "The Wollos, Cat's Lair and the Maiden Forest are OUR territory. You and the Ferocious Females can have the Berbil village."
"But the Berbils don't eat cake," Kam protested weakly. "They're robots, they don't eat anything! They just grow it for some bloody reason!"
"S.E.P," Fianna said.
"Wha'?" Kam grunted.
"Somebody Else's Problem," Kahn elaborated.
"Stay off our turf," Ayanna warned. "Or next time, we keep going till you pee your pants. Got it?"
"Yes ma'am," Kam sighed.
"Good! Kahn, show him the way out," Spotface said.
"Move it, Limey," Kahn growled at Kamanchee.
"This isn't the last you've heard of me!" Kam yelled defiantly.
Three steely glares bore down on him. Three sets of menacing growls echoed around the room.
"Right. Well, maybe it is then," the Brit said resignedly and marched out the door, Kahn close behind.
When they were gone, Fianna turned to Spotface. "So how is business?"
"Good," Ayanna replied. "We've got most of the catnip trade sewn up, and the Unbearables are too busy running down small-time to pester us. Did you know Silky tried to whack Lady Thundera?"
"Slinky Avenger?!" Fianna said incredulously.
"Not Slinky, Silky," she corrected him. "Drive-by fruiting. Nailed two Berbils and Wilykat. The Berbils bought it, but Kat has been seen trying to pimp his sister for fruit money."
"I have a hunch that didn't break Rivero's heart," Fianna snickered. "What about Slinky Avenger?"
"She's brought Axelle on board as an enforcer," the cheetah grumbled. "That could be worse though."
Fianna's brows knitted at the idea of a dangerous assassin working for the reptilian ganglord. "How could it possibly be worse?" he asked.
"I don't know exactly," Ayanna admitted. "Just theoretically, you know? Like that and a giant meteor about to squash us, that could be worse."
"Just barely," Fianna growled. "Axe is smart, skilled, and worst of all, underutilized. She's itching to kill somebody, and those curs from my last riff just whett her appetite."
The door opened as Kahn came back. Beside him was Christina Aguilara, holding a chilled pitcher of catnip tea.
"ReeFREEEEEeessshhhmentsssah!" she wailed.
Fianna winced and covered his ears till the yodel had stopped. He looked at Kahn and said, "Sure I can't talk you into Catherine Zeta-Jones?"
"Naw, too old and too pregnant in that movie," the siberian grinned. "Besides, you should hear her when we--"
"Trust me, we all do," Spotface growled. They probably hear you all the way to the ATB."
Kahn grinned smugly.
********
At the sound of the knock, a tiny slide opened six feet up the door. Red Thundercat eyes looked out at the gold eyes of the nincompoop seeking entrance.
"What's the password?" Panthro growled.
"The only reason I don't come through the wall is, I don't like showing off," Fianna grinned.
"The hell you don't," Panthro complained, then slid the hatch shut and opened the door.
The Spotface mob filed into the Cat's Lair basement speakeasy. The room was large and filled to capacity with felinoids, felines and sundry others with a taste for contraband catnip. The Big Bad Voodoo Daddies were at the front, playing their signature tune, modified slightly for the audience.
"So I'll think about my next drink," the lead singer slurred. "And it's you and me and the catnip tea tonight!"
Out on the dance floor, Cheetara and Pumyra boogied in classic flapper outfits, while males from many species cheered them on. Fianna looked around and spotted Thundera Tiger and Tygra seated at a table across the room.
"Evening folks," the caninoid said. "And doesn't ol' Silky Stripes look good in that pink fedora?"
Thundera Tiger, wrapped in an ill-fitting flapper costume cut for her quadraped form, narrowed her eyes dangerously at the caninoid.
"If I end up doing a Charleston at any point in this story, I swear I am going to eat your liver."
Tygra looked up, his eyes redder than usual and unfocused.
"Fianna, good to see you old buddy!" the tiger rasped.
"Ye cats, you are high aren't you?" Fianna chuckled. "What have you been smoking?"
"These," the Thundercat said, producing a catnip cigarette. Fianna took it, looked it over, sniffed it and almost gagged.
"What the hell stinks?!" he gasped, his eyes watering.
"Formaldehyde," the tigeroid grinned. "You dip 'em. It's one hell of a high."
Fianna stared at Tygra. "Are you nuts?!" he barked. "That stuff makes asbestos look like air freshener! Where did you get an idiot idea like that?!"
"Saw it on 'Dateline', they did a whole half hour on it," the Thundercat giggled. "Like an infomercial, man! Alot the Mundane kids are doing it."
Fianna nodded. "I saw that one. I remember thinking these kids were doing the species a favor by eliminating themselves before they got to breed. Reduces the stupidity level."
Tygra burst out in laughter. "You're so FUUUUNnnEEE!" the tigeroid cackled. He kept laughing until his eyes rolled up and he slid out of his chair and under the table.
Thundera Tiger sighed. "Is he dead again?" she asked.
Across the bar, Kahn and Spotface were kicked back and sipping tea, relaxing and enjoying the tunes. Then there was a crash from the bar door, and Panthro burst into the room.
"My eye! My eye!" the Thundercat yelled. A small Pointy Stick (tm) jutted from between the fingers of his right hand, clapped over his face. The Thundercat staggered a few more feet, then collapsed onto the floor.
Slinky Avenger strode boldly into the room. Behind her came Lucifer Daimou and Axelle. Instantly Kahn and Spotface were off their seats and facing their rivals.
"What's the problem, sweethaats?" Slinky said in her best Cagney, which wasn't all that great. "Youse mugs look like you ain't happy to see us."
"'Course we are," Spotface said. "We were just talking about our good friends in the Slinky mob, weren't we Kahn?"
"Yeah. In fact," the siberian commented. "We were just admiring your ability to sell catnip without any apparent grow operation."
"Or how Lady Thundera and her thugs always seem to overlook your business by Castle Plundarr, practically under their noses!" Ayanna accused.
"You know what I think?" Slinky said brightly. "I think asking so many questions ain't healthy for a cat, is it boys?"
"Yeah, curiosity and stuff," LD piped up.
"So why don't we show these two what happens to curious cats?" Axelle said through her permanently bemused half-smile.
Hands flew behind backs as everyone in the bar scattered--
"Freeze."
Nobody moved. Then Spotface and Kahn smiled, prompting Slinky to look over her shoulder. Fianna was there, a weapon reminiscent of a Star Trek phaser in his hand, covering the three interlopers.
"Uh-oh," LD said nervously.
"That's right, little brother," the caninoid said. "It's a fun gun, just like the one I gave Fuzzball. One wrong move out of you and I'll have Slinky mooning the ATB, you doing pull-ups with your ears, and--"
He broke off, turned the weapon slightly to the right and added, "Axe, if that whistle gets one centimeter closer to your lips, you're gonna be standing on stage singing 'Achy Breaky Heart' with your underwear on your head,"
The assassin grinned and slipped her whistle back into her shirt pocket. "Spoilsport," she said.
"Shows what you know! I was gonna moon the ATB tonight anyway!" Slinky groused. "Okay nincompoop, you got the drop on me. My mother got the drop on me once...once!"
The Slinky mob left the bar, Fianna covering them all the way to the parking lot. After a few moments the dog returned, holstered his weapon and said, "They're gone."
Kahn and Spotface relaxed visibly. Spotface took her tea from the bar, slammed it back and said, "Okay 'youse mugs', let's get gone. We have alot of catnip to move tomorrow."
TBC