Wilykitt

LESSER KNOWN THUNDERCATS EPISODES
Short Summaries

[These "Lesser Known Thundercats Episodes" were written by a crazy AOLer who goes by the screen name of WileyKitt and has nothing better to do with her time than sit around and dream up wild Thundercats eps. I really don't give a flying flip if these are copied, printed, forwarded, posted..whatever, just as long as this goofy little note stays right here. PLEASE TAKE THESE IN THE SPIRIT IN WHICH THEY WERE WRITTEN! I pretty much wrote these for my own amusement, and ended up sending em to a few of my friends. If you have a problem with any of these, write up a nice flame E-mail, address it to WileyKitt@aol.com, print it out, roll it up really tight, and ... oh, well, you get the idea! Now that that's out of the way ... enjoy!]

"THE KITTENS GET 'THE TALK"

Wily Kit and Wily Kat ask Lion-0 the inevitable question, "Where do kittens come from?" Lion-0 is shocked, and asks the other Thundercats to help him try to contact Jaga for advice. In the mean time, Snarf catches on, and takes it upon himself to explain, with the assistance of a few choice movies from Panthro's secret collection.

"OUT OF THE CLOSET"

Like the Ellen episode, but Jackalman's the star. Need I say more?

CRACK LAIR

Lion-0 puts his foot down when he discovers Panthro is the head of a crack ring based at Cat's Lair. His first clue that something's amiss came when he used the Eye of Thundera to shoot the Thundercats logo into the sky, and Panthro responded with "Look at the pretty colors!" After a thorough search of Cat's Lair, Lion-0, assisted by the other Thundercats, turns up several kilos hidden on the underside of the drawbridge. Then, after many attempts at getting Panthro into rehab, Lion-0 is busted for Steroid abuse and ends up as Panthro's Roommate in the rehab center. Wily Kit and Wily Kat go to visit them about a week into their stay at the rehab center, and the episode ends as the two kittens light up a joint which they proceed to pass back and forth as they walk casually toward the exit.

DUI

While the Thundercats are away kicking Mutant ass, Wily Kit and Kat get bored and decide to rummage thru the pantries in Cats' Lair. They stumble across a few bottles wrapped in brown paper that give off the familiar odor that they have smelled on Cheetara and Lion-O's breath all too many times, usually after they have just emerged from the back seat of the Thundertank together. The kittens decide to see what exactly this stuff is, so they chug a few bottles of it (and , naturally, get blasted beyond belief). After they've crank called every bowling alley in the Third Earth phone book to inquire about 10 pound balls , they decide to take the Thundertank for a test drive. Two hours and 5 hit-and-runs later, they notice a blazing light in the sky while playing "chicken" with inanimate objects. As it moves closer, the light begins to take the form of a UFO which soon lands in front of the Thundertank, causing the kittens to lose their current round of "chicken" to the large rock they had chosen as their opponent. Out pops Mandora, the Interplanetary Control chick. She promptly drags the kittens out of the Thundertank and, after a quick frisk, cuffs 'em and takes them both back to her UFO to be written up for DUI. Mandora uses the communicators on the Thundertank to call the Thundercats to come pick up the kittens, who are passed out on board the UFO. Lion-0 and the rest of the cats show up, and, after a thorough search of the Thundertank (which reveals the empty paper-encased bottles), leave with the kittens and head back to Cats' Lair. After the kittens regain consciousness, they stumble into the control room with the worst hang overs known to man, where they are greeted by the rest of the Thundercats. Lion-0 starts right in on them, but being the wily tricksters they are, they manage to weasel their way out of it. They insist that they had just woken up from a nap caused by a sleeping gas capsule thrown by a mutant who snuck up on them while they watched Mumm-Ra sneak into Cats' Lair, higher then a weather balloon, and lace the air ducts with a powder form of LSD. They go on to explain that the whole DUI incident *had* to have been a hallucination caused by Mumm-ra's little gift, because it would be impossible for them to drive the Thundertank while asleep. Lion-0 and the rest of the Thundercats buy into it, and they fail to notice Wily Kat casually grabbing two cans of Miller Lite out of the fridge as the kittens leave the room.

AOHell

***NOTE***

I fully realize that there are TONS of typos in this. Please do NOT E-mail me to correct typos, spelling mistakes, etc. These goofy stories are supposed to be fun, and nothing kills fun faster than getting all picky about little crappy mistakes. Thank you.

Wily Kat is shuffling thru the latest issue of Playboy (which he swiped from Panthro's collection), and sees a Playboy website advertised. Naturally, he runs straight to the control room to see if the Thundercat computer has any intemet access, which it doesn't. So he pulls out one of the thousands of AOL disks that has been junk mailed, and starts up an AOL account. After an hour or so of trying to connect, he finally signs on under the screen name 26E4U and heads straight for the www.playboy.com website. Just as he's beginning to download a huge naked picture of Jenny McCarthy, Lion-0 walks in the room to check the controls and is quite startled to see a life-size nude picture up on the screen. Wily Kat attempts to make excuses, but instead of yelling, Lion-0 wants to look at some more pics, Wily Kat happily agrees to this. They sit scrolling thru the list of downloadable pics for a few minutes, and both of their hearts start to beat a little bit faster when they get to a file called cheetara.gif Lion-0, with an ear-to-ear grin on his face, begins to click on the file name, only to hear an ominous clicking noise followed by a "Goodbye" with a NO CARRIER message displayed in the sign-off box. After shouting a streak of colorful words at the computer screen, they make several attempts, all hindered by busy signals, to sign back on. When they finally succeed, they make a beeline back to the website, and take the time to drag the heart icon at the top of the page into their favorite places folder. Then, when they try to scroll back down to reach the cheetara.gif, their computer locks up. A few minutes later, a "Request has taken longer than expected. Please go to keyword system response ... blah blah blah" box pops up on the screen. By this point, they are both getting rather peeved, but decide to give it one more try. But before they have a chance, an IM pops up on their screen from someone who wants to know if they "would like to go to a private chat room for a good time". After examining this person's profile, Wily Kat sees that the person IMing him is another male. Realizing that the this doofus has mistaken him and Lion-0 for a female, he types "How big is your cock, sweetie?" When the horny young man responds with "9 inches", Wily Kat, types "yeah, well mine's 10!" After a pregnant pause, the poor clod responds with "SHIT!' and immediately signs off. Although this gives Kat and Lion-0 a chuckle, they are both pretty POed that such a crappy online server could ever be referred to as "America's #I online service." Desperate to see who owns such a crappy service (and has the nerve to charge $19.95 for it), Lion-0 grabs his sword and "sight beyond sight" reveals two people - one of whom is all too, familiar, sitting in front of computer laughing hysterically. One is a chubby (to put it lightly) man chugging a Zima and stuffing his face with Twinkies. Lion-0 wonders who this goon is; then he notices the name "Steve Case" and right below it "AOL Company presidents monogrammed on the breast pocket of his beer-stained shirt. The other person, who is sitting next to Steve and cackling in a voice that can only be described as a cross between a high school gym coach and Linda Blair from "The Exorcist', is none other than the evil Mumm-Ra, with a bong in one hand and a computer mouse in the other. They'r e trying to connect under the screen name SteveCase, and without much success. Then Mumm-Ra slowly rises to his feet and drops his bong long enough to chant "ancient spirits of evil, transform this busy signal to AOL, the ever TOSsing!!! " With that, there is a sinister flash of light, followed by the high pitch tones and dings of a modem connecting to AOL. Lion-0 puts down his sword and informs Wily Kat that some computer nerd named Steve Case, aided by Mumm-Ra, is behind this evil ploy that is unjustly called America's #1 online service. Wily Kat begins to concoct a sneaky plan, but needs the help of his cunning sister Wily Kit, who is quite knowledgeable of computers, to perfect it. After nearly two hours, the kittens approach Lion-0, who has finally managed to pull up the picture of Cheetara and is showing it off to Panthro, to announce they have a plan, but will need a favor from Lion-0 -- he will need to use the Sword of Omens'" sight beyond sight" to discover SteveCase's password, Chuckling, Lion-0 gazes into the sword and announces that the password is "MnkySpnk". Wily Kit and Kat turn to each other with confused looks and then both break out in hysterical laughter. Using the "Log on as guest" feature, they sign on under the SteveCase screen name. Then , the kittens start right in on their plan ... to make such a jackass of SteveCase that he gets bombed with an insane amount of nasty E-mail by angry AOLers, and eventually gets so fed up he gives in and quits the business. The first step in the plan is to alter Steve's profile. The Kittens take one look at the vague personal info and crock of BS quote "I want to make AOL the best online service!!!" quote displayed on his profile, and decide that this clown needs some serious work. After a few minutes of whispering and giggling, they come up with the following:

Member Name: Steve "Prince of Darkness" Case, President of America Off Line
Location: HELL ... where AOL is headed in a handbasket!
>Sex: male
Birthdate: 6-6-6
Marital Status: single, but I love cybersex with your wife ... or husband!
Computers: Who cares what the hell it is! The thing can get me access to porn sites!
Hobbies: Posting naked pictures of your mother on alt. sex.tasteless, streaking in church (got caught by the organ once), spankin' da monkey, hacking the Pentagon, disconnecting AOL members at random.
Occupation: Evil overlord of AOL, waitress at Hooters (dressed in drag)
Personal Quote: AOL: the online service by the assholes, of the assholes, for the assholes.

The kittens are pretty satisfied with their creation of a bogus profile, but, for obvious reasons, are a little annoyed that they can't set fill in their own response for the "Sex" section. The next step is to have some fun with the TOS guidelines, which Wily Kit easily gains access to. She begins adding wild violations such as "Using forms of the word "be" and adverbs ending in 'ly' is grounds for account cancellation without notice" and "worshipping any god other than Steve Case is considered a sin on AOL" Then she skips right to the section on transmitting porno graphics and changes "Sending adult graphics is a violation" to "Sending adult graphics is permissible provided that you use the CC box to send a copy to SteveCase. " After a few minor changes, it's of f to some of the more controversial forums to stir up some serious flames, They post several filthy jokes beginning with " 3 priests walk into a bar" and "4 nuns go out for a walk" in the Christian Community boards, and everyone is shocked to see the "YOU QUEERS SUCK!!!" posts from the SteveCase screen name on the Gay\ Lesbiam boards. After posting several requests for AOHell in the members helping members boards, and starting a significant number of "KKK unite" folders on the boards where discussions of affirmative action are taking place, they move to the Kids Only area to post a request for info on proper condom usage. Then, after adding "E-mail me with question and comments" to the end of SteveCase's profile, they sign off and wait for the fun to begin. They hunt down Lion-0, who they find in his bedroom admiring his new printed out picture collection, and fill him in on their online escapades. After Lion-0 stops laughing long enough to stand up and grab his sword, he manages to giggle out "Sword of Omens, give me sight beyond sight" The sword reveals the fat computer nerd angrily throwing down his bottle of Zima as he gapes in amazement at the hundreds of nasty E-mails piled in his box. Hearing the sound of shattering glass, Mumm-Ra dashes into the room and nearly drops his bong when he gets a look at the E-mail. "What the hell is this?" demands Steve, thinking that Mumm-Ra must have gotten even higher than usual and done it as a prank. Mumm-Ra explains that he hasn't the foggiest where any of it came from, but suggests a possible hack. After establishing that the account was indeed hacked, a tracer reveals that it came from Cats'Lair. Mummra begins to upload the infamous "AOL4Free" virus to Wily Kat's 26E4U screen name which he located using the member directory. When Kat signs on to read his E-mail, he immediately recognizes the file name, and decides to take the 'fight fire with fire' approach. With Wily Kit's assistance, he carefully downloads the file, changes the name from AOL4Free.exe to JennyMc.exe and uploads it to SteveCase with the message "I love the new TOS! Here's hot XXX Jenny McCarthy screen saver I'm sending to my friend! Enjoy." When Case reaches this E-mail, he has heard plenty about the "new TOS'...but, being horny as bell, he downloads the file and executes it, which results in the immediate crashing of his hard drive. Mumm-Ra, realizing he's again been foiled by the Thundercats, curses their names as Steve begins to drink himself silly.

THE TRILOGY

"MISTRESS CHEETARAS DUNGEON"

The lovely Cheetara wants to make a quick buck, so she opens a B&D dungeon in the basement of Cat's Lair and charges Mutants for a good time. The episode ends with Cheetara in a heated fight with Tygra, who demands she return his whip.

"THUNDERCAT HOUSE"

Following Cheetara's lead, the Thundercats decide that they are sick of being role models, and the only way to get some real bucks is to get into the sex industry. They turn Cat's Lair into the "Thundercat House", featuring a combination strip joint \ cat house. Panthro, the male stripper, does his number on stage with Wily Kit go-go dancing in the background. Wily Kat serves drinks with a dangerously high concentration of alcohol to the customers while Lion-0 sits in the back acting as bouncer (and enjo ying the view). Pimp Tygra operates a cat house in the control room, and hires Willa and a few of her fellow warrior women to be booty calls for any Mutants, or other 3rd Earthlings, who may feel the urge.

"MUMM-RA'S ESCORT SERVICE"

Mumm-Ra is always in constant competition with the Thundercats, and The Thundercat House is no exception. After chanting "Ancient spirits of porno, transform this dirty old man into Mumm-Ra, the ever-pimping!" He makes an attempt at pimping the remaining Warrior Women, in hopes that a whole group of women with weapons will attract more business than the Thundercat House with Mistress Cheetara operating in the basement. Mumm-ra soon realizes that there is no competition, so he decides to change his MO by planting tons of hidden video cameras in various spots of action in Cats Lair, including several in the basement, and he makes a mint selling the video tapes to adolescents in the Burble Village.